


to breathe as us

by sirensukes



Category: Naruto
Genre: Healing, Mental Health Issues, Multi, References to Drugs, Trans Character, naruto's got Issues, only on chapter 8, sasuke is a ghost, yuh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-07-11 18:18:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15977807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirensukes/pseuds/sirensukes
Summary: “I’m about to kill myself here,” Naruto says, in disbelief. “And you’re calling me a moron?”The other boy shrugs. If Naruto had been any more bitter, he’d make them both dead men.( or, in other words, naruto doesn't know what to make of his life when a ghost saves it. )





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> major tw for depictions of suicide.

He’s never thought this through. Never got this far.

Uzumaki Naruto, age seventeen, has wanted to die for as long as he could remember. Despite all his efforts, in the end, the pain’s unbearable.

It’s late at night when he parks his car, having driven as far as he could away from the city with the little gas he had, up a mountain. There’s a clearing, looking out to the ever so bright lights that still manage to blind him from so far away. In American movies, this would be the place where couples park their vehicles, make out where it’s private and beautiful.

For Naruto, it’s going to be his grave.

His eyes aren’t dry, his cheeks are hot. The snot keeps coming out of his nose, and his throat is sore from all the screaming. His feet hurt from the pacing, and so does his ass from being seated on the wooden railing. His bandaged hands ache as he grips it hard.

This is the only thing between him, and the end of his misery, in a green mess down below.

It’s stupid. To other people, his life is so, so good; though he was adopted later in his years and doesn't live with her, he has a loving guardian; everyone calls her _‘Lady Tsunade’_ , stiff and very respectable. He calls her _‘Baachan’_. He’s the only one who can get away with such informality.

He has great friends-- _greater than what I deserve_ , he thinks, who are always so willing to help, always so… good. But he could never, truly, deeply connect with them, as much as he tried ( _and he tried so, so hard_ ), as they could never understand, and his mask is too broken, on the verge of falling apart, the longer he’s around them.

He has a job, stays for the people there than the work itself. He has a roof over his head, food to eat, he has love in his life he doesn’t deserve.

But he finds himself stuck in his mind, a never ending loop of memories, the ache in his heart enough to physically make him wretch, trying to force out the very thing that keeps him alive. He’s so, so damn tired. Tired of sleepless nights, tired of crying his eyes out, tired of seeing  the _‘fake it till you make it!’_ sign he stuck on his mirror, tired of having to pretend, _tired tired tired--_

“Are you going to do it or not?”

It’s enough to snap him out of his thoughts, and he hates the gasp he lets in, hates that he’s drawing another breath instead of stopping all together. He turns to look behind him, and though it’s supposed to be colder around this time of year, he can feel a sudden heat. He thought he was alone. _He made sure he was alone._

“Over here,” says the voice again, and this time, the heat shifts, and Naruto almost falls off the railing then and there when he sees that the stranger is now seated next to him. How, he doesn’t know, but the person next to him only stares.

He looks almost… _bored._

"... What?” Naruto says, and it hurts to speak. Even with the bleariness of his eyes, he swears that he can somehow see through the boy-- literally.

The person in question gives a small tilt of his chin towards the ground below. “Jump. Are you going to?”

The wind blows. It’s strange, how Naruto’s hair bristles, open jacket moving along with it, the trees around them rustling but the other male looks like he’s not affected by the breeze at all. Naruto can’t wrap his head around it.

“I--” God, he sounds as weak as he feels. He curls the sleeve of his sweater over his fist, wiping at his nose, letting out a sigh (which sounds more like a weird gurgle, from the flem in his throat). “I. I was just looking,”

The boy rolls his eyes-- the absolute nerve--and crosses his legs at the ankles.

“I’ve been watching you pace around for an hour and crying your eyes out. I know you didn’t come all the way out here just to look.” He says, like it’s not weird, like it’s nothing. Naruto almost feels like laughing, because that’s what he does when he doesn’t know what to say.

“... Are you not going to stop me? Push me back?” Naruto says meekly. The other boy looks like he’s considering, but those dark eyes turn to look at the sky instead.

“I have no reason to.” He says, and Naruto feels… torn. Between feeling both worthless and offended. “If you want jump, you jump. If you don’t want to, you don’t. The choice isn’t mine to make.”

Naruto doesn’t know what to say.

For what seems like an eternity, the two of them sit in silence, with just the wind making its way through the condensed greenery around them as the only sound. The other male doesn’t seem like he has any intentions on breaking the silence, and Naruto doesn’t understand what’s going on enough to know what to say. Crying spells come and go.

( At some point, they move to sit on the ground, only because the other boy beside him asked ‘doesn’t your ass hurt from sitting here?’. Naruto said yes. )

By the time the sun has risen, Naruto knows his time has passed. So he slowly-- achingly slowly, because the ground is tough and hard on his bones-- rises to his feet, the boy next to him watching.

“I have to go.” Naruto says, very softly, feeling exhausted.

“Go where?” The boy asks, though Naruto doesn’t have any idea if the question is genuine, or if he’s just poking at him. Naruto answers anyway.

“... To work. It's Sunday.”

“Ah. Have a good day, then.” A shrug. “I guess.”

“... Yeah.” Naruto says. His feet feel heavy as he drags them toward his car, opens the door with a next to limp arm, and slides in. His body deflates, clearly too tired, but he’s moving anyway. He’s already driving away, towards the city.

His attempt had been unsuccessful. Strangely enough, he’s not upset as he should be about that, at least not now. Right now, he feels more upset about the fact he didn’t say goodbye to that guy, who stayed watching the clouds.

 

-

 

Naruto checks his medications, every single one, to see if there’s a side effect for hallucinations. He looks up at the ceiling with knitted brows when he sees there are none.

 

-

 

It’s a weird feeling, going back to your daily life, when you were sure it’d be over.

The exhaustion on his face is clear under the sun, dark circles around his bloodshot eyes and his skin looking more blanched somehow. This doesn’t go unnoticed by his co-workers, but they still clap him hard on the back when they pass by like always, and throw jokes at him like always. It’s only until lunch break that someone speaks up.

“What’s got you lookin’ so drab?” Kiba says, though it sounds kind of weird, as he’s tearing into a chicken leg. “Did ya get dumped or something?”

Ah. He’s supposed to be the loud, animated one. He had forgotten.

The exaggerated, pseudo anger that comes out of him is easy -- he’s been doing it for years now, it’s convincing.

“Pah, like you have any room to talk,” Naruto says, and he wishes his voice wasn’t so naturally strong, because his throat still hurts. “Mister Can’t-Get-A-Date-Without-Bribing.”

“Hey, that was one time!” Kiba barks, with as much energy as Naruto wishes he had. “And it was _necessary_. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to get into that party! Ever heard of desperate times calls for desperate measures?”

Yeah. Yeah, he has.

“Pfft. Out of all the things you could tease him about, it’s over something as troublesome as dating? Naruto isn’t seeing anyone,”  Shikamaru says, not nearly as rude as Kiba when it comes to eating and talking. “Unless you are, in that case, congrats.”

Naruto wishes he could tell them, but at the same time, he can’t, because what would he say? _‘Hey, no, the reason why I’m so tired is because I tried to kill myself a few hours ago since I’m tired of living but got stopped by some guy I don’t even know is real?’_ Yeah right. It makes something inside of him go sour.

Instead, he grips his chopsticks a bit tighter, rolling his eyes.

“I’m not,” Naruto says. “My neighbor didn’t let me sleep last night at all. Y’know, the one nearly driving a hole in my wall from their headboard knocking into it from the other side?”

Kiba sucks in a breath through his teeth. “Oh, yikes. Was there screaming this time?”

“Lots.” Naruto says, forgoing saying that they were his own, only heard by the nature around him and, apparently, a mysterious boy. “The landlord’s not even going to do anything about it, that perv.”

“Offer’s still up to move in with me and Shino, if you want.” Shikamaru reminds him, and though his tone is casual, he can tell he’s being soft about it. Because most of their friend group live with each other one way or another. Naruto is the only one who lives alone.

And he’s considered the offer many, many times. But he can’t be a burden. He won’t allow himself to. Even if Shikamaru and Shino’s home is comfortable and open to Naruto, he can’t allow himself to exist in a space that’s not his own.

“Naaah.” Naruto says, and the deflating sigh is only a bit exaggerated, because all he wants is for this day to be over, for him to sink into the bed, farther and farther until he has no way of coming out.

“I’ll live.”

Shikamaru stares at him, a bit apprehensive, and Naruto is afraid if he stares any longer he might see something the others hadn’t. Because, as lazy and uninterested as he may seem, Shikamaru’s always been so perceptive, a good head on his shoulders. It makes him wonder why the guy even bothers working at a ramen shop rather than doing something else, but who is he to tell someone how to live?

But then there’s the sound of dogs barking to the tune of ‘We Will Rock You’, a warning alarm Kiba has to remind them that there’s ten minutes to finish their lunches, and his friend huffs a breath through his nose.

“For a food shop, we have, like, two seconds to savor our shit,” Kiba complains. Shikamaru only rolls his eyes.

“Please. Like you do any savoring scarfing your food down.”

And the usual bickering starts then. Naruto, at some point, stops listening, stuck in his own thoughts again.

 

-

 

About a month later, he’s back at the clearing.

Time just keeps repeating itself, it seems, both for the past and for the present. Sometimes, Naruto wonders if he just died that other day, forced to live a life of repeats. His eyes are so, so heavy.

This time around, he tried harder. Really tried to stay, really tried to burn in the faces of his friends into the back of his eyelids, tried to think of them crying over him, how much they may miss him. But at the same time, he only grew more distant, and though tears prick at his eyes they don’t spill, his throat too locked up to scream.

This time, he’s more bitter at himself, more ready, as he takes strides towards the railing, going as far as to grip it, taking in deep breaths as he leans over it.

_It’s going to be over,_ he thinks. _This time for sure._

“I haven’t seen you for a while, blondie.”

Naruto’s head whips fast enough to disorient him for a second-- that heat is back, the male from before sits on the railing, one leg over another. There’s much poise in his posture, as if some guy isn’t about to fling himself off this cliff they’re both on.

“...”

“And I won’t see you ever again, will I?” He says, looking briefly over his shoulder, and Naruto’s heart beats harder in his chest. The hairs at the back of his neck stand, and he’s not sure if it’s because of the clashing of temperatures, or if the words shake him a lot more than he’d like to admit. “At least say goodbye, moron.”

Naruto, even when he feels drained, next to numb, can’t help the scoff that comes through at the other. He notices he hasn’t moved.

“I’m about to kill myself here,” Naruto says, in disbelief. “And you’re calling me a _moron?”_

The other boy shrugs. If Naruto had been any more bitter, he’d make them both dead men.

And yet, some moments pass, and it feels like he’s back in the past. His feet kick at the dirt, watching at pebbles fall through the spaces between the railing. There’s more crying spells, but they’re silent, and he has a headache and that alone makes him want to die even more. Naruto takes in a shaky breath, moving just to swing a leg over the railing, a foot ahead of death. The other male only watches him.

“Are you going to do it?” He questions, and it only strikes a nerve.

“Yes,” He answers, through the grit of his teeth. He sniffs, loud and wet, as he looks down. He has a feeling of l’appel du vide.

“Like, actually?”

“I told you yes, didn’t I?”

A moment of silence. A pass of a breeze. The boy slides gracefully off the railing, and the way his everything moves is… strange. Otherworldly, even, like gravity has just a bit of a hold on him as he walks to stand over by Naruto’s car, crossing his arms over his chest expectantly as he faces him.  The treetops shifting the moon shines through, and Naruto doesn’t know what to make of the other male who seems to absorb the light rather than be affected by it.

“... What’s taking you so long,”

“ _Teme,_ shut the hell up!” Naruto bursts, and it startles him, because what the fuck. “You want me to fucking jump? _Fine!_ I needed a fucking push anyway!”

And with that, Naruto swings his other leg over, but he’s not facing his death the way he intended. And it’s not immediate, because his toes are just barely on the edge of the cliff, legs shaking and hands gripping the railing tight. His eyes are on the boy, and he finds himself taking him in, too. His eyes begin to water once more.

“What’s your name?” Naruto says, but his voice is quivering. The other boy doesn’t seem to mind. “I-- So I can know.”

“... Uchiha Sasuke. And yours?” He says. Something tells Naruto they’re both thinking the same thing; it doesn’t matter, because he’s going to die anyway. Which is why, with the taste of salt on his tongue from his tears, he says;

“Uzumaki Naruto.”

It’s fucked up, really, how Sasuke is just going to watch him die, saying nothing to make Naruto reconsider, doing nothing to stop Naruto. And yet, Naruto can’t be too mad about it, because what does it matter?

He just, so briefly, wonders if Sasuke will remember him. Or call the police when he’s done. But he won’t be alive to face the consequences.

“... Okay, this is goodbye, then.” Naruto chokes out. Sasuke, with no reaction, only gives him a wave.

Naruto’s resolution wavers. They keep staring at each other, and he has to admit it’s pretty fucking weird. An aching silence stretches between them, but his mind is as loud as static, flipping through sequences. He sniffs again, a near silent curse slipping from his lips.

“You aren’t ready to.” Sasuke says, and it makes his mind pull a blank. Even more so, as Sasuke begins to approach him. “You don’t want to.”

Naruto half expects him to push him off the ledge; after all, Sasuke’s been kind of weird about the whole thing; not really trying to make Naruto break himself further and end it all, but not really trying to stop him either. But the push doesn’t come, and he doesn’t know whether it’s sleep deprivation, his watery eyes, or a trick of the moonlight, but he thinks (and that’s a strong _thinks_ ) he sees Sasuke’s look change, something more… soft. It makes Naruto’s heart ache, and he grabs tighter onto the railing, feeling the earth move under his toes.

“... I don’t know what I want anymore,” Naruto whispers, and he could look anywhere else, really, but he only stares at Sasuke with heavy eyelids. “I’m so tired.”

Sasuke says nothing, only stepping back to leave space. As if to say ‘hey, you can be here.’ Naruto doesn’t know how to feel about it.

But there’s no chance to, as the ledge under his toes, worn from weathering and dangerous, gives out under him. He lets out a loud gasp, doesn’t have time to think or register anything, because there’s a sharp pain in his shoulders. They nearly pop out of their sockets from Naruto hanging onto the railing, body dangling, heart in his throat as his breaths come and go in quick succession.

It is now, quite literally, the only thing stopping him from pummeling down below.

And he could just end it all, really, because it seems like the universe wants him to die anyway. He can feel his grip slipping, the bandages making it hard to hold on, and tears begin to fall. This can be it, he thinks, teeth clenching, imagining the fall, imagining the _impact,_ and oh god he doesn’t know if he wants to go out like this, doesn’t know anything, because his brain is both so so empty and racing that he might just pass out and die because of it. But just then, his grip slips,

He doesn’t know what he said, but he feels that heat-- it’s becoming familiar-- come towards him, how it wraps around his wrists. He looks up to see Sasuke, who shouldn’t be able to support him and not fall with him instead. The hands around his wrists don’t feel real-- they’re warm, but feel just semi-tangible, Naruto can see that they look like they’re phasing into him, but just barely.

Naruto doesn’t look anywhere else. Just at Sasuke’s face, whose eyes are definitely reflecting something that he doesn’t have quite know the name for.

“... Idiot.” Sasuke says, but there’s no intention of harm. “If you’re so tired, drag your ass home.”

And Naruto doesn’t know why he’s not screaming for him to let go, why he’s not kicking, but Sasuke’s dragging him up now. The other male, who has so far played a neutral role in whatever Naruto’s fucked up scenario is, is helping him over the railing, and though it’s subtle, he can feel the boy supporting his wobbling form. It’s a strange feeling, because Sasuke doesn’t feel real, and yet it’s… comforting? He feels fucking nuts.

He pretty much is, actually.

Naruto feels exhausted, doesn’t put up a fight as Sasuke takes him farther and farther from what he wanted to be the last place he’d be seen. Doesn’t argue when Sasuke tells him to open the car door ( _“My body doesn’t do so well with metal”_ ) and seats him in the driver’s seat. It’s a blast from the past, and yet, so different. Naruto’s arms feel like lead as he buckles in-- if he’s going to live another day, he’d rather not be detained. He shuts the car door then, and looks at Sasuke, who has since stepped back.

“... Are you my guardian angel?” He says, voice rough and sounding stupid. Sasuke tilts his head as he crosses his arms.

“No.” He says simply. “If you crash while on the way home, then that’s out of my hands.”

Naruto nods-- doesn’t know why, because he doesn’t understand this shit, doesn’t understand anything, and as one shaky hand grips the steering wheel, the other puts the key in the ignition. He turns to Sasuke again.

“Will I see you again?”

Sasuke, as expressionless as his face is, looks thoughtful.

“Just go home already. Sleep for the night like, you know, a _normal_ person.” He says, and before Naruto could speak, he’s gone, just like that.

Naruto doesn’t know what to make of this, but he nods slowly. Even in his daze, he manages to make his way toward the city again, and can only write all of this off as a dream.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> routine's changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aka what do u do when u have a ghost in ur house now

Yesterday, in fact, was not a dream. He’s convinced he finally lost it.

Naruto’s eyes open slowly, eyes burning and his head throbbing. His arms come above his head as he stretches, only to wince when he aggravates his shoulders.

“Wow, you’re as loud while you’re sleeping as you are awake, dobe.”

Naruto, still doesn’t feel quick awake, and it takes effort to turn his head. The beanbag chair in the corner of the room, usually empty, now has someone seated on it. Naruto sighs as he buries his head against his pillow.

It’s just Sasuke.

…

…

_ It’s fucking Sasuke. _

Naruto suddenly feels a rush of energy, sitting up straight and wiping the drool from his mouth with his arm, eyes wide.

“What the fuck?!” He yells, and only then bothers to cover his shirtless form. “How’d you get in here?! How do you know where I  _ live?!” _

Sasuke, as nonchalant as ever, only shrugs. “I followed. Also, I let myself in. The walls are surprisingly thin.”

“What the  _ hell _ is that supposed to mean?! Seriously, you better start fucking explaining yourself before I call the fucking police—” Naruto stops, trying to recollect the memories from yesterday, because Naruto is good when it comes to thinking about the past.

He remembers the feeling of Sasuke’s hands holding him up. Semi tangible. The fact that he absorbs light rather than letting it reflect. The fact that nature effects seem to affect Sasuke very little.

Naruto’s losing his mind. He has to laugh.

“No no no, this can’t be real,” He says. “Man, I really must’ve died ages ago, because there’s no way that  _ you _ can be here if I hadn’t—“

“And why, exactly, do you think that, Naruto?” Sasuke interrupts casually, and Naruto doesn’t want to say. Because it’s stupid, it’s outlandish, and there is just no way it could possibly be true.

“... You’re a stinkin’ ghost,” Naruto says, with less energy now, because shouting takes a lot out of him. “And if I can see you, that must mean I’m dead.”

The spectre— it’s still baffling to think of Sasuke as that— only rolls his eyes.

“You’re as dumb as you look, dobe.” He says. In just a flicker, he’s gone, and Naruto doesn’t know whether or not to panic before Sasuke is at the edge of the bed now. He’s phasing into the fucking bed. _ This can’t be real. _

“If you were truly a ghost, then your heart wouldn’t be beating as hard as it is right now, if at all.” He says. Naruto, for a moment, momentarily drops the blankets to put a hand over his chest and— yes, his heart is beating quite fast. “Ghosts don’t have heartbeats.”

Naruto’s hands come up to his head, holding onto his hair, as he tries to gather his thoughts. He doesn’t understand.

It’s not real. It can’t be real.

“You’re confused. And slightly terrified.” Sasuke says matter of factly, and Naruto could honestly— “Cry. You could honestly cry.”

“I’m going crazy,” He murmurs, eyes not meeting Sasuke. “‘M going to pass out,”

Sasuke seems totally cool. Like Naruto isn’t on the verge of a fucking breakdown because of this nonsense. The blond drags his hands down his face, nails catching on the skin as he leans forward.

He wants to go to sleep again, never wake up, because now he’s definitely insane, but the bell at the front door rings.

“What day is it,” He asks himself. Monday, Tuesday….

Oh. Wednesday. Which means the person who’ll walk him to school is…

“Oi, Naruto! Don’t tell me you overslept again!” Yells his best friend. Haruno Sakura. He met her back in his earliest school days, and despite their (drastically different) reputations, she tries her best to remind him he’s her boy, forever and always.

It’s hard to remember sometimes.

Sasuke, meanwhile, only has a glint of curiosity in his eyes as his head turns towards the door, then back at Naruto, and Naruto really doesn’t have the time nor the energy to deal with both of them at once—

“Who’s that?” Sasuke asks, and Naruto has no idea how genuine the question is, but he doesn’t care. Only lets out a heavy sigh as he rolls out of bed, and when he falls, Sasuke doesn’t bother catching him this time. “She’s loud.”

Naruto doesn’t give him an answer, only fills up his lungs with air before he yells. “Give me five more minutes!”

“Oh, yeah. You are too. I see why you’re friends.”

He can’t believe it. He must be hallucinating. But the threatening shake of the front door knob is real enough to make him scurry to find his uniform. He’s about to tell Sasuke to leave, but apparently Ghost Boy’s got enough sense to leave the room to let him change.

_ This is nothing, _ he thinks, breaking the uniform code by wearing jeans because he forgot to do laundry and blood is a bitch to takeout.  _ Forget the ghost. Focus on you. Focus on your routine. _

A bathroom visit and a check up on his smile later, he grabs his jacket and his bag, opening the door. Sakura takes a look up and down at him before shaking her head.

“You put your shirt on inside out, dummy,” She says. “But c’mon, you can fix it at school. We can’t have you late again.”

Ah, of course. Student Council President’s always gotta have to be on time, he thinks. He sniffles, feeling the chill of the air, bones feeling weary.

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” Naruto says, only catching a glimpse of Sasuke, who is now somehow in his fucking kitchen, staring at him.

_ Don’t you dare follow me, _ Naruto thinks, really really hard as if that’ll get the message across. And maybe it did, because Sasuke rolls his eyes, and Naruto closes the door with a slam.

He earns a concerned glance from Sakura, but only huffs.

“Sorry. My door is bad at keeping things out.”

 

-

 

In school, they call him many names.  _ ‘Dropout’ _ by the less than kind teachers that whisper behind his back.  _ ‘Halfy’ _ by the more bigoted individuals.  _ ‘Demon’  _ by those who he actually has ever had physical, aggressive contact with. But the one that hurt the most was  _ ‘Orphan’ _ , and it was worse in his younger years.

Naruto doesn’t know which side of him is truly himself, not really. Around his friends, he’s loud, boisterous. Is this a front? In school, he’s hard, aggressive. Is that a front? In his home, he’s sad, and— he dares to say it— tired. What can he call it?

The medications call it depression. PTSD. ADHD. Maybe this is the way it’s always been, because he can’t remember much from before.

“… Did you get that?”

He stops walking, turning his head to look at Sakura— she’s just a hair taller than he is. He wishes he was taller.

“Huh?” He says, tilting his head comically, in effort to get some sort of sympathy, because he knows his dearest friend always gets super pissed when he misses her talks,

But, of course, she wouldn’t be Sakura Haruno if she didn’t push him around, too. But unlike with everyone else, it doesn’t hurt him.

The girl hisses, opting to pinch at Naruto’s ear, pulling at it. But she’s careful to pick the one that doesn’t have a device fixated in it.

“You little twerp,” Sakura says, but it doesn’t hurt. “You’re always such a daydreamer.”

That does. When it comes to his precious, loved ones, it’s the things that aren’t  _ meant _ to hurt that do.

Naruto only whines a bit, trying to pull his head free from her hand. “Pah, you know me so well, and yet you’re so unforgiving! You can be so cruel, Sakura-chan.”

Sakura’s cheeks puff out— a habit she’s had since their younger days—, and she relents. Naruto rubs at his ear now.

“As I was saying,” Sakura says, and he knows how much she hates repeating herself, hates how much repeating he needs, but she’s always willing to. Because she either loves him or likes talking. “Konoha Eleven’s going to hold a party next Saturday, and it’s going to be at your place. I expect that you tidy up a bit so that no one slips on your underwear,”

The panic that arises with him is immediate.

It’s not even the Rookie Nine.  _ Konoha Eleven. _ That’s the entire friend group right there; even with a year gap between them.

“My place?” He asks, a bit too worriedly, but Sakura doesn’t seem to catch it. “Why? Neji’s place is, like, huge compared to mine,”

“Yeah, but at least Neji hangs out with us.” Sakura says, with as much ‘duh’ as possible without saying the actual word. When did Neji come into Konoha?  “God knows what you’ve been up to. Is your inactivity due to Breath Of The Wild?”

Naruto can feel his insides twisting.

“It’s a game that demands attention,” Naruto says, through the pain of the lump in his throat. “But anyway, why?! My apartment is barely big enough for five people!”

Sakura only waves him off. “Nope. We’re meeting at your place. Next Saturday. I’ll hammer a sticky note on your forehead if it means you’ll remember.”

The first suicidal thought today comes, and he hates it. Because any normal person would be happy to have their friends care about them, happy to have them over, and he hates it that he only feels sick at the thought of them coming over.

Sakura’s face softens a bit, and she nudges him in the side with her elbow. “Hey…”

Naruto looks at her, trying to muster a pout. She doesn’t buy it, because of course she wouldn’t. But she does smile at him.

“Ino, Hinata, and I will come by early to help you with the set up,” She says. “So don’t be so frowny.”

Naruto wishes he could tell her the truth.

 

-

 

The second thought comes when he’s shoved against behind the school, Naruto has to clench his teeth instead of baring them, jaw set, looking at his offenders; a group of three. He takes a raw, heavy punch to the face, swallowing back a choked noise, not wanting to give them the satisfaction. The center of his nose flares up in heat as blood spills out of his nose.

“Well, Uzumaki? Finally going to stop biting back and just take the beating like the bitch you are?”

Naruto wonders, for a moment, if the incoming third suspension’s worth it, if having Tsunade travel two hours to speak with the principal is worth it, if the verbal mess from Sakura’s worth it. Even wonders if he would be able to repair the damage on his own this time.

But then another fist comes flying towards him, the stress from earlier drilling out of his head, who is he to hold back?

 

-

 

Naruto’s steps are sluggish as he scales up the stairs of his apartment complex, and if it wasn’t for the fact that he just wants to hole himself up and never see the light of day, he would have collapsed right here. Even with the chill of the air, a drop of sweat rolls down Naruto’s face as he approaches the front door.

He’s surprised when it opens on it’s own, brows furrowing, the hairs on his neck raising. Please don’t let me be afraid of my own home.

Naruto takes a tentative step forward, into the apartment, before stepping in completely. He closes the door with his foot behind him. Did he just forget to lock the door or something?

“I forgot how long school lasts. Glad I’m not doing that anymore.”

Naruto is surprised when he finds himself jumping at that, considering he just barely hears it over the rush of blood in his head. When he feels that unnatural heat again in the cool apartment, he doesn’t turn his head to it, because he feels too much shame to show his face. Even to a ghost.

“Yeah, well, I’m suspended anyway, so we’re on the same boat for a bit.” Naruto mumbles, chucking off his jacket and throwing it into the open closet near the entrance, not bothering to hang it. He moves to the kitchen, back still to Sasuke. He rips off a paper towel from its roll, and even that hurts his ears as he turns the faucet on.

“You’re upset.” Sasuke asks, and Naruto tries not to go still at that. “Rough day.”

He’s only really known Sasuke for a few hours, maybe just a day if you add up their time last month. And yet, he feels like he’s getting him a lot faster than he would most people.

_ So weird, _ Naruto thinks,  _ he’s so weird. _ Most people would ask him if he’s alright, and he hates it, but it’s normal. But here’s Uchiha Sasuke, some dead guy who latched onto Naruto, saying what he’s feeling out loud and stating things like they’re fact.

But Naruto doesn’t find himself getting as mad as he thinks. Maybe because he doesn’t know Sasuke like he does someone like the Konoha Eleven. Maybe because Sasuke isn’t trying to tread carefully around him.

The silence that stretches is so grand, with only the running water as noise as Naruto takes the fresh, wet paper towel, gripping it tight and watching the excess water fall down the drain again. He turns the water off.

The heat is near him now, seated on the kitchen counter. Sasuke tilts his head to look at him, the bangs that frame his face and are draped over his forehead moving like they would in water, if Naruto had to put it in any way.

Sasuke doesn’t really react to his face. Any other person who knows Naruto would probably gasp, give him sad eyes, maybe yell a bit if they’re Sakura or Tsunade.

“Give me the towel.” Sasuke says, palm facing up. Naruto lets out a huff, turning his face away.

“Oh, so now you want to act all helpful, huh?” He spits, and he sort of wants to punch himself for it, because he has no reason to be mad. No reason to feel the way he does.

Sasuke doesn’t keep to shake, though, instead disappearing and reappearing at Naruto’s side, snatching the wet paper towel and throwing it into the sink.

“Oi, teme, what the hell?!” Naruto’s brows snap into a deep furrow. “That’s money!”

“Paper towels can break up and stick to you,” Sasuke says. “Judging by your split lip and knuckles, it’d be a pain to get out. By how shabby this place is, I assume you don’t have a kit either.”

“Were you this assumptions when you were alive? Must’ve been annoying.” Naruto mumbles, and for a second thinks he’s gone too far, but Sasuke doesn’t seem to care.

“You’re annoyed because you know I’m right, dobe.” Sasuke says. For a second, he’s silent, before saying; “When’s the last time you showered?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“You’re right. You’re covered in dirt and blood anyway. Go shower.”

Naruto grumbles, because what the fuck. The guy’s been in his house for like, what, eight hours? And thinks he could tell him what to do? Fuck this shit.

 

-

 

Eventually, Naruto gets out of the room he locked himself in, going to the bathroom. Sasuke only hums when he hears the water start to run.

 

-

 

Naruto doesn’t sleep. For a lot of reasons. At this point of the night, he’d usually be contemplating… things. Recalling his day. Tremble under the covers till at some point he goes into a blank, dreamless sleep. He’s lying in his bed, hoping that time comes.

But a certain someone in the corner of the room, sitting pretty in the beanbag chair.

“... Why are you even here?” Naruto asks, trying to sound mad but failing to do so, because he’s back to being tired of everything. “Don’t you have some other place to haunt?”

“No, not really.” Sasuke says, flat as ever. “I’m not haunting you, either. That’s pretty dumb.”

“Then, I ask you again, why are you here?”

Sasuke is silent, and Naruto isn’t used to it, because even Shino seems to talk more than Sasuke. It’s really— and he can’t stress this enough— weird.

“Do you want me to leave?” Sasuke asks, and there’s no hurt behind it, so why does Naruto feel guilty? “Out with it, dobe.”

Now it’s Naruto’s turn to be quiet. Sasuke is annoying. He’s a ghost. He doesn’t pay rent. Apparently he can make things explode. If he’s on Earth, and not in that castle in the sky, he must’ve done something. Like boss someone to death.

But Naruto thinks about the clearing.

“… I meant leave the room, duckhead.” Naruto says in a half truth, half lie. “You don’t sleep, right? I don’t want you watching me.”

Sasuke stays put, pursing his lips a bit— kind of unfair—before floating up from his spot, feet not touching the ground. It’s the most ghost like thing he’s done.

“Don’t call me that again.” Sasuke says. “You punk. I hope you get a shit night’s rest.”

He then phases through the wall. Scratch that,  _ that _ is the most ghost like thing he’s done. Naruto takes a pillow and throws it over his face, letting out a loud groan into it.

This is so tiring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all enjoyed this chapter! please do comment bc i love reading them


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's hard to ignore something when it's always in your space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll admit, the flow of this chap isn't the best, but i hope yall enjoy!

A month. That’s the final verdict on his suspension.

He managed to get away with a few splits here and there and a bloody nose. But they were right when they called him a demon; he’s stronger than he looks, and sometimes he forgets to mind it.

Naruto has to resist the urge to knock the doors leading out of the school off their hinges as he exits, because his guardian, Tsunade, is right next to him, silent and cold.

The fact she hasn’t punched him into the next century just shows how upset she is.

He feels himself shrinking, heart feeling small, like it’s barely there. Naruto can’t even gives her a timid look from the corner of his eye, the shame too grand. If it were any other time, if the suspension hadn’t been his longest yet, if she were any other person, Naruto would just cross his arms and spit  _ ‘yeah, well, they deserved it!’ _

In total quiet, they approach her car; and old, battered thing, because she could never be bothered and it still has some juice left. Silently, she enters the driver’s seat, and he stays still as he stares at the car. She doesn’t hurry him.

He hates not being the driver. He takes his own place in passenger.

His guardian ties her hair up in a loose bun— no doubt she had let it loose to seem presentable— and finally gives some sort of emotional reaction; a deep, deep sigh. It seems to last forever.

“... I’m sorry,” Naruto says, but it’s not enough. Nothing he can say is enough. No matter how many excuses he tries to build up in his head, he comes up short. And he’s afraid that saying anything elaborate or lengthy’s not going to get him anywhere anyway. He dares to look at her.

She looks about two seconds away from grinding him into the ground.

But he can tell that she’s trying to suppress her anger— _ ‘high blood pressure, don’t forget’ _ —, giving another sigh. Her eyes reflect a bit more sympathy than he expects— she’s usually so… tough, when it comes to these things.

“What for, Naruto?” She says, and he can hear the age in her voice, despite her looks.

_ For being a piece of shit, _ he thinks, sinking further into his seat, hoping he’s just get swallowed up.  _ For existing. I should’ve died so much sooner. _

“For getting into another fight. But I tell ya, they deserved it.” He mumbles, feeling like he’s ten again, having this conversation for the first time but with his teacher instead of a parent, but they could’ve been the same thing back then. Iruka was nice.

Tsunade's face stays the same, more or less. But her hands tighten ever so slightly on the steering wheel.

“You know, you remind me so much of my brother sometimes.” She says. Naruto doesn’t quite know how to feel about that. “... A month, Naruto. Do you know how bad that is?”

Oh, lord. No amount of mentally bracing himself could help him with the inevitable lecture.

“I can handle a month. I could use a stupid break anyway, since I was forced to give up my summer.” Naruto says, trying to sound mad about it as he crosses his arms.

“It’s not about whether you can handle it or not, Naruto.” Tsunade says, brows furrowing. “You broke their noses,”

“Baachan, I know, we’ve been over it—“

“One of them has fractured ribs,”

“Yeah, I got it—“

“Gave two of them black eyes and kicked one of them in the dick.” Tsunade finishes, though they both know the list runs longer. “Do you know how bad that is? They could’ve pressed charges for that!”

Naruto can feel his blood heating up underneath his skin, slow but rising. It’s not fair. Because he’s had broken bones. He’s had missing teeth. He’s had swollen eyes and a sore body. All because he just happened to be the way he is, he had any fucking hand in being born. If he did, he wouldn’t be here.

_ If that was the case, then why can’t we, huh? _ Naruto thinks. But of course, he knows why she’s hounding him, and his anger would be misdirected if he started to yell at her. Because they wouldn’t be able to win in a hearing. Because Naruto is a problem child, with a bad record anyway. While they get off with a slap on the wrist.

A few moments pass, and he feels a hand on his arm; Tsunade’s, but he doesn’t look at her just yet.

“... I know you didn’t start it. You may be annoying and a prankster, but you’d never hurt someone just like that.” She says, softly, and it just makes Naruto feel worse.  

“It’s just—“

“I get it.” Naruto snaps, getting irritated, because he’s already heard it so many times before. “I get it, Baachan. You don’t need to tell me again. Can I just go home already?”

Tsunade only continues to look at him, expression apologetic— or, if you’re anything like him, it’s pitiful. She feels sorry for him. And he hates the next thought that comes into his mind, that maybe, just maybe, she felt that same pity when she first saw him in at the orphanage, just a year away from having to be forced out.

She says nothing else, finally turning on the ignition, and finally starting to drive them home. Naruto can feel himself slipping, mind starting to inch its way out of reality as his head hits the window with a soft  _ ‘thump’ _ .

“… Well, that’s something.”

_ Oh fuck no. _

Naruto tries not to give any sort of physical reaction, because his guardian’s right there, and she’d probably take the next turn towards the hospital if he started to wig out now,

His eyes, as tired as they are, are wide as they slowly trail to look at the side mirror; nothing but himself. They look at the rear view mirror, and surely enough, he sees a face that’s becoming increasingly familiar much to his fucking chagrin.

_ You, _ Naruto thinks, venomously. There’s no point in trying to think of how and why Sasuke is even in the car, because Sasuke doesn’t ‘abide to the rules of the living anymore’.  He clenches his teeth.

“It got boring in your apartment. Your neighbors are too noisy. You don’t even have a TV.” He says, and when there’s a bump in the road, he can see Sasuke curling in on himself a bit, like he doesn’t want to have his head hit the roof of the car.

Looks like he’s still a junior in the ghost world.

He doesn’t know why Sasuke is even talking to him, because he can’t respond. Because it’s already weird to talk to nothing, but dangerous if you’re not in the best condition upstairs. He’s starting to get pissed off.

And, of course, if Sasuke isn’t uncanny enough, he says “You’re getting mad, huh? The daily quota is you getting mad at me three times, you know.”

At this point, Naruto can’t get even more angry about Sasuke calling him out on how he feel, because it seems like it’s something Sasuke can actually do, for some weird reasons. He doesn’t fucking know. Are ghosts supposed to be empaths too? Is that what this is? Does he fucking have to google ghost information now on incognito mode—

“Naruto?” Tsunade says and Naruto wishes it was physically possible to look at two things at once. He catches a glimpse of Sasuke turning to look at her before his own eyes land on her.

“Yeah?” He says, trying to stay casual, trying not to look at the rear view mirror again.

“Is she your mother?” Sasuke asks from the back seat.

“Do you want to… maybe get something to eat on the way home?” She asks, and he knows she’s noticed his mood, because she always offers food as a way of cheering him up.

And he’d usually take it, because it’s a bonding experience to just eat in silence, but there’s also a ghost in the fucking car who won’t leave him alone.

“… ‘M not hungry.”

He wants to punch Sasuke in the gut for scoffing.

“Liar.” Tsunade says, and Naruto can see the slightest hint of a smile. “I know you. You’re always hungry.”

Dammit. Of course she’d point that out. It’s even worse now, because his depression meal’s a pack of instant ramen, and he’s kind of depressed every day.

The saving grace comes when he sees a sign for a drive thru. Now they won’t even have to get out of the car, and he won’t have to try and ignore Sasuke in public, because this alone has his nerve endings frying up.

“Can we get something there?” Naruto asks. Tsunade’s eyes follow his, her expression looking a bit confused. Because it’s an Olive Garden drive thru. He didn’t even know they existed until today. She looks at him for confirmation.

“Wow. And here I thought you were going to go straight for McDonald’s. That’s more like you.” Sasuke says.

“I’m trying to expand my food horizons,” Naruto says with a wide smile, consciously for Tsunade and subconsciously for Sasuke because he  _ really _ needs to shut the hell up,

“Hm. Well, alright.” Tsunade says, and Naruto sighs in relief as they make a segway into the drive thru.

It doesn’t occur to him that he has no idea what the hell the menu looks. He’ll just have to go at random.

And the anxiety gets worse when Sasuke— fucking Sasuke—has decided he’s bored of being in the back seat, too. Because he’s making his way between Tsunade and Naruto, but it’s funny, because he doesn’t phase through the seats. Naruto doesn’t know the specifics, because why would he, but it must be because there’s a metal frame in the seats.

Tsunade rolls the window down, and the usual ‘can I take your order?’ Comes through the shitty speaker. Naruto fiddles with his hearing aid.

“Hi, I’ll have, erm….” Tsunade says, and Naruto can tell she’s at as much of a loss as he is. “What looks good….”

“What is a meatball pizza bowl. That doesn’t sound real.” Sasuke says, and Naruto wants to, and he’s said this before, perish.

“The Shrimp Scampi looks really good. I’ll take an order of those,” Tsunade says, looking back at Naruto, and he doesn’t know whether her not knowing of Sasuke’s presence is relieving or jarring. He’s right fucking there, and yet he’s… not. “Naruto?”

“I’ll, uh… ravioli,” Naruto says, after a quick scan of the menu.

“One Shrimp Scampi and one Ravioli di Portobello coming right up.”

They get their order, Sasuke being the odd one out as he leans back. The rest of the drive is silent as they then pull up to Naruto’s apartment complex. Naruto has never been so glad to see his shabby home.

“Thanks for the ride and the food, Baachan.” He says. He has long since stopped asking her how long she’ll be in the city; because her job is demanding, and even with the distance between them, she still has to give a portion for him to live on. His part time’s not enough.

“Of course. You’re my boy, after all.” Tsunade says, reaching out a hand to ruffle his hair. He feels the heat that usually radiates off of Sasuke diminish. “Just… behave, okay? I’ll be back before the month is over. We can spend more time with each other then.”

Naruto tries not to look down, only smiling as best as he can.

“… Yeah. Yeah, see you soon.”

They share their final goodbyes, and he’s out of the car, feeling slightly better but also not ready to spend an entire fucking month with Sasuke.

He breathes in deep, the chilliness of the cold air seeping deep into his lungs as he slowly makes his way up the stairs. The door’s already open by the time he walks in. Sasuke’s situated on the couch, doing nothing in particular but just lying there.

“Can’t you wait till I’m actually at the door to open it? What if someone had come in to rob the place?” Naruto says, toeing off his shoes. It feels… weird. It’s the second time he’s come home and someone else was on the other side of the door.

Even if that someone’s just a ghost, the apartment isn’t empty.

Sasuke gives a shrug. Of course he wouldn’t care, Naruto thinks. He gives an eye roll before making his way to the kitchen, setting the order down on the table before removing his jacket, draping it over one of the chairs instead of using the closet. He can’t be bothered. A gracious warmth comes, Sasuke floating down to sit on the table.

Naruto’s apartment isn’t warm, not really, because his pervy landlord takes ages to fix anything. But Sasuke feels like a radiator. Aren’t ghosts supposed to be cold?

“… I’m tired.” Naruto says, closing his eyes momentarily before opening them, seeing Sasuke quirk a brow.  

“Well, yeah. You skipped breakfast this morning, dobe.” Sasuke says, and Naruto wonders how someone can seem so understanding yet also so clueless. “Of course you’re going to feel tired if you haven’t eaten something. The fact you’ve got serotonin deficiency’s not making anything better.”

Naruto huffs. “ _ Serotonin deficiency.  _ Tuh. This your way of telling me to eat?”

“Never said that. I’m just telling you why you’re tired.” Sasuke says, his stare blank as he puts his chin on his palm. Naruto’s stomach rumbles.

“I bet you never get hungry, huh. Another reason to kill myself: free of living necessities.” Naruto says, though it doesn’t carry as much gravity as he takes the contents out of the bag. He tries to get over the fact he can’t really share his food, because it looks like Olive Garden’s really gracious with their portions.

He doesn’t bother with a proper plate, only taking up the plastic cutlery and opening up the takeout container, the steam setting his face. It’s a big, saucy mess. He takes the seat just opposite of Sasuke’s.

“Well, looking at that makes me feel full already. I can’t believe people eat that stuff on a regular basis.” Sasuke says, leaning back in his seat, but he only phases through before quickly moving into his previous position. It’s the nerdiest slip up Naruto’s seen from him, and he hates that the corner of his lips threatens to be tugged into a smile.

 

-

 

“… ruto. Naruto!”

With a yell, Naruto wakes up to his heart forcing itself out of its chest, his sweat making him stick to the fabric of the sheets underneath as he gasps for air. He’s quick to sit up, swinging his arm to hit whoever the fuck is near him because he doesn’t remember having anyone else living with him—

His fist meets nothing. His arm hurts from the swing.

“Calm down,” Someone says, and his heart jumps into his throat as he turns to look, a soft glow in the darkness of his room. “It’s just me, dobe. It’s Sasuke. Calm down.”

“Sasuke,” Naruto says as he tries to remember if he’s seen this person, can’t even hear the sound of his own voice, because there’s only one ear working, because that wasn’t a dream. “Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke…”

His breathing still has yet to mellow out, there’s no other sound. It clicks a few moments later.  _ Sasuke. _

“Oh, fuck,” Naruto says, before putting his face in his hands, but the after images flash behind his eyelids and he nearly chokes. The sweat on his body is cold. “F-Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,”

“I don’t sleep, idiot.” Sasuke says, bluntly, and it leaves Naruto in this confused daze.  “So you don’t have to worry your head over it.”

“… Fuck. Sorry.” He forgot. He really is a fucking idiot.

“Don’t see why you should be.” Sasuke says, and there’s really nothing behind it. Because Sasuke is, if nothing else, honest; for the better or worse.

Naruto’s hand comes over his stomach, feeling sick from the nightmare. There had been so much tumbling. It was so… real. His brain feels so fuzzy, and he sniffles just to stop snot from running out of nose.

“… ‘m sorry for yelling.” Naruto mumbles, not knowing what else to say, because it’s been so long since there was someone in the same space at him.

It’s always just been him alone, dealing with himself in the only ways he knows how.

Sasuke looks at him, and Naruto doesn’t know what to make of his expression, because he can barely see it. His eyes are too watery, and Sasuke’s soft glow doesn’t make things better.

“You’re loud all the time anyway.” Sasuke says. “So stop.”

Naruto doesn’t bother opening his mouth again, because he knows all he’s going to say is ‘sorry’ again. He only looks at his lap as he tries to blink his tears away, quickly because he doesn’t want the dream that still so fresh in his mind to linger.

“... Hey, dobe.” Sasuke says, and Naruto is tired, so he lifts his head up rather wimpy. Sasuke’s expression hasn’t changed in the slightest, but there’s a certain look in his eyes. “You look like a mess. Go wash up.”

He feels like a mess, but Sasuke is right; he must look downright disgusting, with all his sweat, snot, tears, slobber. But all he wants to do is sleep.

“... Don’t wanna…” He murmurs. Maybe slurs is more like it.

“You could at least do the bare minimum of washing your face.” Sasuke says, always with light but persistent. Naruto can’t help the grumble that comes out of him. “Before it crusts over.”

He doesn’t know what’s more annoying. The fact Sasuke really does find him so disgusting he has to wash his face or the fact he’s contemplating on it.

At first, he doesn’t give a response, because he never does what the guy says on the first go. It’s almost… funny, because Sasuke seems to bristle when he’s ignored.

“You have a funny way of caring.” Naruto says, voice still so thick, but he wants to take a jab at the other.

Sasuke rolls his eyes, body vanishing before reappearing at the door frame of his room, leaning against it. crosses his arms, and cocks his head to the side.

“Please. I don’t really care if you do it or not.” He says.

One moment bleeds to the other, and again Naruto wonders if he’s dead, because it feels like he just got transported to his bathroom. Sasuke doesn’t come with him, but why would he?

Naruto, at the very least, does manage to work around the healing injuries on his face and clean most of the gunk off before looking at the mirror.

His eyes are red as shit. Dark as shit. He looks like shit. Anyone else would wince on sight.

Except for Sasuke, because he’s weird.

He drags himself to bed again, feeling a bit better now that his face isn’t messy, and wonders if this was in Sasuke’s agenda. Probably not, because Sasuke doesn’t care about him that much. His head meets the pillow, breathing deeply.

Neither of them say anything. Naruto’s eyes bore into the ceiling, thinking of nothing in particular. He’s starting to feel sleepy again.

“... I wonder if he’s sleeping.” He hears Sasuke say, to his surprise. Because his voice is almost too soft. “Guess that’s my cue.”

“No.” Naruto says tiredly, and glow from the corner of the room momentarily changes; from blue to a gentle red, then back. He doesn’t know if he has the energy to look at him, but he smiles a bit at the possibility that he may or may not have startled the guy with a shit attitude. “Stay.”

“... You’re not going to ask me to lie down and watch the ceiling with you, right? Even watching the faucet run is better than that.”

The absolute nerve. Well, he can’t say he’s too surprised, and he was pretty sure that Sasuke was going to leave the moment he suggested for him to stay.

“Tch. Like I’d want you that close to me.” He says, The bark feels… genuine. They always do with Sasuke. It’s not like the fake banter he’d do with his friends. But does it mean anything? “Just sit on the beanbag. You like it there anyway.”

From the glow on the ceiling, Naruto can see it go from one spot of the room to another, and though the beanbag makes no sound he knows Sasuke has taken a seat.

 

-

 

“Why do you think you’re still here?”

“I don’t know, dobe. Why do you think _you’re_ still here?”

“I don’t know either.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! as always, i appreciate your feedback!


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can you really read me?” Naruto asks, as he makes his way to his room instead. Sasuke is already sitting on the beanbag by the time he gets there. “Like, is mind reading a thing ghosts do or? Tell me, what am I thinking right now—“
> 
> “Dying or ramen, probably.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had a sudden influx of narusasu feels and this is the product... i cut it in half since it got a bit long so it's actually supposed to be a two parter!! i'll be uploading the second sometime this week

Naruto wakes up to his room being warm and toasty, despite having no heating. He doesn’t want to get out of bed, only burrowing himself further under his covers as he sighs softly. 

But of course, the universe like to rob his only moments of total calm, because he can hear his neighbors screaming from behind the wall. What’s new is that there’s no incessant banging against his wall, and he sees Sasuke emerge from it.

“ _ Teme, _ ” Naruto says groggily, still making no move to get up. “The hell you up to?”

Sasuke’s eyes go wide, if only for just a second, before returning to normal as he turns to look at Naruto. He could laugh.

“Your neighbors are loud. I just wanted to give them the warning your landlord won’t.” Sasuke says passively.

“What if they think they’re actually a ghost in their apartment and bring in an exorcist?”

“Not my problem. They’re not the one I’m around. Maybe it’ll give them a reason to move out, though.”

It makes no sense, really. Because Sasuke can leave whenever he wants. In all honesty, he wasn’t expecting him to stay after he fell asleep. Sasuke doesn’t have to listen to the banging, doesn’t have to do anything about it, but he still does.

Why he’s staying with Naruto, despite himself, is a mystery to him. Maybe he’s waiting for him to die. Maybe not.

Sasuke flickers from the wall to the window, Naruto’s not nearly awake enough to follow with his eyes, but he can feel the change in heat. It’s comfortable.

And then the curtains are yanked open. That’s not so comfortable.

“Noooooooo,” Naruto whines, he’s still tired, to ready to continue his existence, but Sasuke ignores him.

“Ah. You were feeling so content, too. What a bummer… for you.” Sasuke says. “This room is so dusty. When was the last time you cleaned it?”

“Does it even matter?” Naruto groans, because he’d rather not hear it, thank you very much. “’S not like anyone comes in here anyway.”

“You live here. That’s enough to clean it.” Sasuke says. “I mean, it’s not my decision, you can let the dust cake up in your lungs if you want, but that’s pretty stupid.”

“… It’s going to take me forever to clean this place.” Naruto mumbles into the pillow. All he has to do is close his eyes and remember all the junk littered in his home. But what’s the point?

“I’m not saying ‘clean down the entire apartment till you can see your reflection on every surface’, dobe. I’m talking about your room. Just your room.” Sasuke says, before finally looking over at Naruto, and the sunlight has the other boy glowing in its warmth.

Naruto has no idea why, but just looking at him’s enough to make him sigh.

Sasuke’s brows furrow a bit, and Naruto swears he could be imagining this shit, because the great Uchiha Sasuke would never, but he almost looks… dumbstruck. It only lasts for a moment, because he’s looking away now.  

“I bet you’d blow up my phone if you passed it to me, huh.”

“I wouldn’t have gotten it for you in the first place. Get up already.”

Even with as much as a fight as Naruto tries to put up, he’s up and around, having taken a shower— because Sasuke hounded him for last night’s sweating and the fact he hasn’t done it for a week—and has already exhausted from that alone.

But Sasuke had been serious about cleaning the room.

About an hour and a half’s work later, and Naruto’s about to puke as he collapses onto the bean bag.

“Oh, fuck, that took forever,” Naruto says through a sigh, tilting his head back, while Sasuke appears on the edge of the bed. He could feel himself getting pissed for a second, but then remembers that no, Sasuke’s phasing into the bed and not messing it up, because he’s not alive—

“Maybe if you hadn’t let the last thousand years pass and let your room get so dirty, it would’ve been less work.” Sasuke says, and Naruto snaps his head back into position to narrow his eyes at him, ready to open his mouth. “But… don’t worry.”

Sasuke’s rubbing at his arm, looking around again, and Naruto’s brows furrow.

“Oi, you trying to find something to call me out on?” Naruto huffs out. “If you say some shit like ‘you missed a spot’, I’m getting a vacuum to trap you in.”

“Tch. Like that’d work.” Sasuke says, but his face does often a bit as he bites the corner of his lip. Naruto wishes he could read the other the way he seems to able to. Dark eyes trail the room before setting them on him.

“You’ve done well, Naruto.”

He wasn’t expecting that.

He feels a rising need to say something, because what the fuck.  _ What the fuck. _

“… What are you talking about, ’s not like I did it alone.” Naruto says, trying to ignore the knot in his chest.

“You didn’t even want to get out of bed today.” Sasuke says, crossing his legs. “And you did more than that. Just take the compliment and go.”

Naruto opens his mouth to protest, but Sasuke’s glare is killer. He opts to scratch the back of his neck instead before breathing in.

The air feels cleaner, his brain moreso. Maybe it does matter. Now that the cobwebs in his brain have cleared out a bit, he tilts his head in curiosity.

“... Hey, Sasuke?”

“What do you want.”

“Can ghosts change clothes?”

Sasuke stares at him. His face gradually goes from blank to irritated, nose scrunching up.

“... That’s a really dumb question. I hope you know that.” He says. leaning back on his hands. It’s unfair. “... I have never changed clothes.”

Naruto lets himself look at Sasuke, because the topic permits it, and not because of anything else. Because Sasuke is really, really annoying to look at.

He’s wearing a haori— with a symbol on the back, he doesn’t know— over a plain shirt that’s tucked into his jeans, makes his legs look longer than they are. His sneakers, surprisingly, are sporty looking; Naruto’s not much of a sneaker head to know the brand. It seems like the guy was trying to go for the traditional and modern combo.

He pulls it off.

Though, it’s a very summer look. And it’s pretty trendy. Suddenly, Naruto doesn’t like this train of thought.

“Close your mouth. You’re going to catch flies.” Sasuke says, and Naruto scowls. Nevermind all he’s thought until now, Uchiha Sasuke can fuck off.

 

-

 

It’s not until it’s noon that Naruto realizes he has to go outside. Because he, again, seems to have a life outside of his apartment. 

He mentally curses himself for not doing the laundry— unlike his closet, the laundry bin in the bathroom’s just overflowing with clothes. But he just doesn’t have the energy, and he already made cleaning the house a priority because apparently Sasuke’s tired of him living like a pig.

( He’s never said this. But Naruto feels it anyway. )

Sasuke just observes from where he stands in the hallway, and Naruto briefly wonders how he must look like to someone else right now. Holes in his shirt, shorts despite it being cold as shit most hours, mismatched socks and a bird’s nest for hair. Even when he lived with Tsunade, he never allowed himself to look like this. A perk of living alone.

“Oi, dobe. Don’t look in the hamper. You know, where all the filthy clothes are.”

Well, maybe not alone.

Naruto sighs heavily, turning to Sasuke with his shoulder well parallel to his ears in a grimace.

“I don’t have anything else,  _ jackass. _ Forgot to do the damn laundry.” Naruto says, like it’s really a good excuse. Sasuke rolls his eyes.

Man, fuck this. He’ll just have to wear nothing at all under his jacket besides the compression for his chest. It’s going to be hell, considering it’s colder than it should be in September, but he’s lived with worse. This is nothing.

“You’re stressing out. Take a breather before you blow your head off.” Sasuke comments, and really, there must be some sort of other ghost power Sasuke has that makes him actually breathe in deep just because he’s told to.

“Can you really read me?” Naruto asks, as he makes his way to his room instead. Sasuke is already sitting on the beanbag by the time he gets there. “Like, is mind reading a thing ghosts do or? Tell me, what am I thinking right now—“

“Dying or ramen, probably.” Sasuke says, moving to lie down on his side instead as Naruto searches for clothes in his drawers. He’s not wrong. “But no. I can’t read your mind. But I can sense, I guess.”

“… Oh, wack.”

“How is that wack? You can’t hide your feelings from me at all. That is, unless I stop reading you. That’s not wack.”

That piques Naruto’s interest, and his picks out a pair of jeans (which, just his luck, has holes where the knees are) and a shirt.

“You mean you have, like, special feeling senses or something? You should be the first ghost therapist. But I guess those must be out there,” Naruto says, and Sasuke scrunches his nose at him, and he’d be lying if he said irritating the guy’s _ not  _ worth it.

“I don’t know if I should even grace you with a response, or leave your stupid ass guessing.”

“Aw, don’t be like that. It’s okay to nerd out on me.” Since when did he act like this? Sasuke gives him a glare, but it doesn’t feel harsh. He moves to get up, though.

“… It’s more like having another kind of vision.” Sasuke says, and Naruto is about to ask another question, but Sasuke follows up with, “You’re going to be late to whatever thing you’re going to, dobe. Hurry up and change.”

Wow. Just when he’s starting to know more about the guy, he shuts him up and leaves (of course this means phasing through the door. He’s so annoying.)

“No point in playing Mystery Man, asshole.” Naruto says under his breath.

He’s totally not smiling, though. Not at all.

 

-

 

It’s not until Naruto is about a block away from his apartment that he noticed how much of a presence Sasuke has. 

They hadn’t known each other for very long, not really. A few days at most. They haven’t established any rules besides  _ “no watching while I’m sleeping” _ and  _ “leave when I change my damn clothes” _ . But with each passing hour, Naruto has come more or less come to terms with… well… the idea of a ghost living—no, coexisting—with him.

It’s not as bad as he initially thought. Sasuke could’ve been a malicious demon. Could’ve caused a poltergeist. Could’ve made his life hell. Or worse, could’ve had no sense of humor.

Naruto had quickly grown used to Sasuke’s astonishing heat that made his whole apartment feel like a jar of honey. But the breeze that nips at the apples of his cheeks make him feel like home and the rest of the world are two completely different realms.

The anxiety doesn’t build up until he’s already far enough. He’s supposed to meeting up with Hinata and Chouji to buy food for the party (this week, he thinks, his stomach is coiling), because they’re foodies and know what they’re doing. Apparently having vast knowledge on instant ramen’s not enough to fit the criteria.

Oh, fuck. They haven’t seen his face yet either. Even though it’s healing, the bruises are a sickly, unnatural mess of green and purple, and he’s still got scabs. He chews the inside of his mouth, takes in a deep breath as his friends come into view.

“Yo! Hinata-chan! Akimunchie! Sorry I’m late!” Naruto says, loud and proud, because it’s better this way. “I saw a dog earlier and, you know, duty calls and stuff.”

The moment Hinata lays eyes on him, he’s ready to fuck himself right in the ass and go home.

“ _ N-Naruto? _ _”_ She says, her voice soft— he’s always had trouble listening to her, but she’s patient—, and it attracts Chouji’s attention from where his eyes are glued to the phone in his hand.

“Whoa, dude, what happened? You look fucked up—“ Chouji says, and Naruto doesn’t miss it when Hinata jabs the other with her elbow. No doubt Sakura and Ino’s influence.

He has to resist the urge to put his hoodie up and pull the drawstrings on his jacket till they’re about to tear.

“Oh, you know.” Naruto says, and it’s a total lie, because they don’t. They don’t attend the same school as him, they don’t know how bad it is, how much it ruins him. And they never will, because Naruto doesn’t want to share his pain. Not when he loves them so much.

He wants to turn back. Wants to go home and stay there and never have to face them again. Because he l _ oves them so much. _

“Uzumaki Naruto, king of getting fucked up in more ways than one.” Chouji says with an eye roll, and it stings. Because it’s a title Naruto gave himself, he can’t blame Chouji for using it, but another’s voice is so different from your own.

“How about we get started on shopping instead?” Hinata says, and Naruto feels guilty when he sees how red her face is from the chill. “I-it’s really cold out here, don’t you guys think?”

“Awww, yeah!” Chouji exclaims, tucking his phone away. “Let’s do it— Naruto, I hope you have enough space in your fridge for all the good shit we’re shoving in it!”

All he manages his a lopsided smile as he follows them into the store, wondering if there was anyway to stop the party from happening.

( There isn’t. Because the universe wouldn’t allow it. )

 

-

 

He could die. He could. Being outside allows for multiple opportunities. But he’s also with his friends, which would suck pretty bad.

At the checkout, he was sure he could carry the whole load by himself, because 1. he (used) to lift, and 2. there’s no way he was going to able to handle Hinata and Chouji helping him and seeing his apartment, nor would he handle Sasuke’s commentary,

But all Naruto got out of his stupid attempt was a scrape on the chin from meeting the sidewalk, groceries spilled out on the street, and shock of anxiety.

“Oh, fuck,” he breathes out, and it takes nearly his all to keep himself level headed, “Oh, fuck, sorry,”

And of course, because he has really good people in his life that he doesn’t deserve, they help him out in picking up the items and putting them back in their bags. And because they’re all emotional people, they freak out in the form of comfort that’s too much for him.

“It was just a mistake, Naruto-kun, don’t worry,” Hinata reassures him as she walks alongside him, carrying two of the bags. He can’t hide the angry, embarrassed expression on his face. But he guess it fits well with his stupid image anyway.

“Yeah, don’t sweat it! At least there wasn’t something like eggs. Now that would’ve been a disaster.” Chouji says, though it comes out all weird, because he’s got a cereal bar in his mouth. He’s carrying his own share of bags.

“Is your chin bleeding? You fell pretty hard…” Hinata asks, her eyes soft with concern. Naruto subconsciously brings the paper bags closer to his face, covering it up.

“’S fine,” Naruto says, even though it hurts like a bitch, because Hinata’s stare hurts a lot more. “It’s what I get for trying, I guess.”

He doesn’t want to look at either of their faces when the words come out of his mouth, because he knows they’re going to pity him.

On the walk to Naruto’s apartment complex, they try to blow the whole thing over by talking about anything and everything, but Naruto doesn’t really pay attention. Because he’s thinking about how the fuck they’ll react when they see he lives in a pigsty.

In his years living alone, Naruto can only recall two instances where his living room would be free of dust, clothes, and empty bags and containers of whatever junk food he pumps into his system. The first was when Baachan had come over for the first time, the second when some of his friends came over for game night.

Not to mention Sasuke. It’s not like being around Sasuke stresses him out— he’s come to terms with it— it’s the fact he has to pretend he’s not there that does. It’s the fact no one else can see him, and it makes Naruto feel disoriented, like his brain’s being ripped in two.

Sasuke said nothing the last time. But Naruto can’t help but to feel personally guilty and offended on his behalf, because all Naruto’s damn life was consisted of cold glances over shoulders and neglection until someone finally noticed him one day in third grade in the form of a fist to the cheek.

“Naruto?” Chouji asks, and it takes a second for Naruto to come out of his own head, feeling like he’s taking his first breath of air. It stings his throat. “This the place, right?”

Naruto fixes his distant stare, looking at the stairs— how did they move so fast? Teleportation, it has to be. Maybe Sasuke’s ghost powers are rubbing off on him.

“Yeah,” He says, trying to will his heart to calm down as he begins his ascension, joints already cracking like he’s fifty instead of just seventeen. He can hear his friends follow behind.

The floor numbers spray painted on the walls as they make their way up just serve as a haunting countdown, and he feels himself shiver when the wind blows. But instead of stalling the inevitable, he just picks up his pace, shouting a “hurry up, you slugs!” over his shoulder.

The door is already open, only a bit this time. Naruto braces himself as he opens the door with the toe of his shoe.

_ I’m home, _ he thinks, and he knows Sasuke said otherwise, but he hopes he can hear him.

He nearly drops the bags.

His home is actually… clean. Not a single take out container, article of clothing, or tissue paper in sight. He forgot that his floor was a completely different color and made of wood. The curtains are open and letting natural light fill the once dark space, and some reason he even had vases with flowers in them on the coffee table.

Naruto vaguely remembers the vase being given to him by Baachan as a housewarming gift, but he forgot he even had it.

“Naruto-kun? Are you okay?” Hinata asks, and Naruto wonders how he should respond, because he sees Sasuke lounging on the one side of the couch with the cushions neatly placed on the other.

“… Yeah,” He says, a little pathetically, and Sasuke smiles just a little bit, in that cocky way Naruto would usually be put off by.

“Welcome home, dobe.” He says, and it’s enough to make his eyes prickle with tears.

“Then let’s move it! It’s cold out here!” Chouji yells, and Naruto feels sorry for Hinata, who’s sandwiched between them as they push through Naruto’s tiny doorway.

It’s so warm in the apartment. So, so warm. He’s  _ home. _

 

-

 

“They were less annoying than I thought they would be.” Sasuke says, crossing his arms over his shoulders as he leans back against the the wall. “You sure that Hinata girl doesn’t like you?”   
  
“Positive,” Naruto says, hissing a bit when he dries off his chin. It doesn’t look as bad now as it did before when it was covered in grime, but the pain hasn’t changed. He rummages through the the drawers— he could’ve sworn he had bandaids big enough... “She’s dating Sakura... and— damn, I ran out...”   
  
“Maybe watch yourself more often to avoid running out of band aids, dobe.” Sasuke says, and Naruto gives him a wave of his hand before looking over to the laundry bin; still overflowing.   
  
He says nothing about it. But Sasuke always has something to say.   
  
“... Your eyes look like shit.” He says. If Naruto had the energy reserves, he would’ve socked Sasuke right there. Instead, he only gives him the hardest look he could muster. But apparently the guy’s unshakeable, because all he does is stare back. “Oh, yeah. Super shot. Maybe you should fix that.”   
  
Naruto sighs, and his shoulders feel heavy. He should not be feeling this tired, not when the most he’s done is clean his room and carry groceries. And yet, he’s being weighed down.   
  
Sasuke’s eyes change, and Naruto feels uneasy, because he can’t tell what that look is. It’s getting increasingly frustrating, how much Sasuke’s able to conceal himself. Even his eyes are dark, hiding his soul, or some corny shit like that.   
  
Or maybe not his soul. It’s not nice to think about Sasuke as a ghost.   
  
“Don’t faint on me now, dobe.” He says. “If you’re that tired, take your ass to bed.”   
  
Huh. He’s heard that before.   
  
“... I have to do the laundry,” Naruto says, feeling his mind starting to fuzz up as he groans, letting his head hang. “Laundry... gotta start on that....”    
  
“Tch. Like you’re going to get anything done.” Sasuke remarks, and Naruto really could do with it. “You’ll probably fall into the machine or something like this.”   
  
“You can’t fall into washing or drying machines...” Naruto murmurs, and he hates how pathetic he is. Can’t even tell where his hands fucking are even though they’re attached to him. He shouldn’t be this exhausted. “Just— shut up,”   
  
“I know you don’t even need me to tell you this, but you are dead tired, dobe.” Sasuke says, and he’s using that... tone. The one that’s just a bit more demanding that usual. “You’ll get nothing done. But do what you want.”   
  
Naruto’s teleportation abilities must be at work. Because one moment he’s in the bathroom, picking up dirty clothes, and another he’s managed to drag himself to his bedroom. He looks down at his arms. The majority of the clothes has since fallen out of his arms, and it only takes a look behind him to see he’s left a trail.   
  
“Are you hoping to attract something with your scent, dummy? Because I don’t think leaving your shit everywhere’s going to help.” Sasuke says. Naruto doesn’t respond immediately, the clothes in his arms are too heavy to bear. He finds himself dropping them on the floor, rubbing his eyes as hard as he can, till he’s seeing a myriad of colors.   
  
“Shit...” Naruto whispers, dropping hard onto his knees as he tries to pick the clothes up. He shouldn’t be this tired. He has to do the laundry today, because it’s already been far too long, soon enough Febreeze won’t be able to cover the stench,   
  
A hand on his shoulder. It’s almost sinking into him a bit, makes him feel weird.    
  
“That’s enough, dobe. You’ve done a lot today. No need to work yourself over nothing.” Sasuke says, the warmth of his palm going through the jacket. It’s really the first time he’s ever taken the initiative. Or maybe that’s not true, because Naruto still remembers those same hands around his wrists, keeping him from falling.

There are just some moments where words are completely lost to Naruto. He didn’t find it as hard back when he lived with Tsunade, because at least she knows he’s broken as shit, but his friends are a different story. His friends ask him for his opinion, ask him for jokes, expect him to yell and all that shit. But there are just some moments where he doesn’t want to make a single sound, or say a single word. All he could do is look at his hands.

_ I can’t do it, _ he thinks, a breath escaping his lips.  _ I can’t do it. _

Naruto can’t see Sasuke, not when his gaze is fixated on something else. But he can feel the heat move around him, and feels a grip on him. He’s being pulled up onto his feet, and notices it’s been quite a while since Sasuke’s bothered to touch him.

“A fishcake for a brain. That’s what you have.” Sasuke says, and he can feel himself being pushed onto the bed, sitting upright. It’s gentle, and while Naruto would say it’s unlike Sasuke to do such a thing, it’s… not.

Despite their bickering, Sasuke hasn’t hurt him. Not once.

Sasuke helps him out of his jacket, but Naruto swats him away, tells him to turn around has he takes off his shirt and works the clasps of his compression vest open, throwing it away and putting his shirt back on. Sasuke turns around then, and when Naruto begins to slump forward, the other takes him, lays him down against the mattress.

“The laundry,” Naruto says weakly, and Sasuke scrunches his nose.

“Forget about it. You can barely speak.” He says, hasn’t moved away from Naruto just yet. And while the apartment is warmer with Sasuke in it, there’s a special kind that surrounds only Sasuke, and Naruto feels himself melting. He blinks slowly, tilting his head a bit more to look at the other.

“… The apartment,” Naruto starts softly. “Why’d you clean it?”

Sasuke only stares at him, so openly, and Naruto wonders if he’s the only one who feels like he should look off somewhere else.

“I got bored.” Sasuke says after a moment of silence, and creating distance as he moves away from Naruto, and he’s pretty sure it’s the high he feels from being so tired, but it makes his heart ache.

Sasuke’s expression changes, something soft. Naruto wonders if he’s reading him even now.

“… Just go to sleep already,  _ usuratonkachi. _ ”

And, dammit, he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thanks for reading!! hope yall enjoyed!!


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sasuke…” He murmurs. “You’re Sasuke.”
> 
> “You’re Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof, here's part 2 of the last chapter! tw for nasty language, a fight, and dissociation.

Naruto’s eyes open up once again, looking up at the ceiling and seeing reflections of cars as they pass by. 

It’s dark, he notices, so he must’ve slept till the night. Sasuke must not be able to turn on the lights.

“Sasuke….”

No response.

“Sasuke?!”

Naruto scrambles to a sit, looking around the room; there’s no glow anywhere, and he can feel his heartbeat pick up, legs swinging off the bed and bolting to the lightswitch because where the fuck did he go—

“Calm down, usuratonkachi. I’m here.”  Sasuke says, from where he’s only got his head through the ceiling, and Naruto can’t help the snap of his brows from that solid minute of panic. “I see you’re up and moving already.”

“Jerkwad! Don’t sc—“ A huff through his nose. “Don’t do that! It’s creepy and weird!”

“Gives me more of a reason to.” Sasuke says, his hair moving fluidly as he moves back up into the ceiling, only to come down legs first and stop in midair just when his feet are about to hit the floor. He gives a sort of shimmer, even under artificial light, and Naruto would be lying if he said it wasn’t mesmerizing to watch Sasuke move less like a human and more like a… he doesn’t fucking know… water nymph?

“Tch.” The adrenaline’s starting to wear off, Naruto’s energy levels more of less leveling out. “What were you up to, anyway? I’m starting to think I can’t leave you alone for a second.”

“Funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you.” Sasuke says, walking towards a corner of the room, where he then points to a suspicious looking bag. “Carry this. Because I can’t.”

Naruto narrows his eyes, flicking between the bag and Sasuke, who looks just about done with him already.

“… Those aren’t your remains, right? Because I can get arrested for that,”

Sasuke rolls his eyes; one day, Naruto swears, they’ll get stuck.

“Please. Even I don’t know what happened to my body.” Sasuke says, like that shit’s normal to say. He tries not pay attention to the weight on his heart, because Sasuke has scary ghost powers. “It’s laundry.”

Naruto purses his lips, brows furrowing further. He can feel the tension between his brows. The bag isn’t big at all; in fact, it’s his old school bag, now that his eyes focus enough to see it.

“There’s no way my dirty clothes are in there. That’s too small of a load.” Naruto says, though he’s walking closer to Sasuke.

“I call it a  _ necessity _ load. Instead of looking at the entire pile and having a breakdown over it, I thought working in portions is better.” Sasuke says, and holy shit, does he sound like an expert. And he’s serious about his explanation too, given the way he’s looking at Naruto with no casual undertone. “At any given time, you should keep at least four shirts, three pants, a few pairs of socks, and a lot more underwear.”

Naruto’s hand comes to scratch at the back of his neck. He really thought this through, didn’t he?

“… Okay.” Naruto says, taking a brief look out the window. Naruto’s home, unfortunately, doesn’t sit in a good spot; as cheap as the rent is, it has an additional toll of being near the less than desirable parts of the city. But the laundromat nearby is quiet and isolated enough. With that, he picks up his jacket from where it lies on the bed and puts it on, foregoing the chest compression tonight. It’s not like anyone’s going to see him.

He then slings the bag over his shoulder; not too heavy, not too light. A good medium.

Taking his phone and keys, Sasuke hovers behind Naruto as he makes his way over to the front door, taking a moment to put his shoes on. They’re getting thin at the heel and he can feel the ground, but he can’t ask Baachan for another pair. Not when she does so much already.

He opens the door with a click, shivering from the cold. When he steps out, he turns to find Sasuke staying where he is, his glow a bit more dimmer. Naruto looks to either side of him to check if someone’s around.

“What’s the matter?” He whispers. “Don’t tell me you feel the cold, you’re hot as hell—“

Oh, fuck.  _ Wait, _

“Good to know,” Sasuke says with a small, teeny tiny smug smile, and Naruto can feel his face flare up.

“ _ Teme, _ not like that! You know exactly what I mean, asshole!” Naruto hisses, but Sasuke just a small (but smug, of course) smile. But the expression goes as soon as a comes, and he’s met with neutrality again.

“I don’t know if you want me to come.” Sasuke says, looking off to the side, where Naruto remembers a picture is hanging. “Since, you know, you can’t talk to me when other people are around. Not that I care, but it’s boring as shit here.”

Naruto blinks at him. He… really did give off that impression, huh? Showing a dislike for Sasuke’s presence around people. It’s… it’s not Sasuke’s fault that he’s a ghost, or that Naruto can see him at all. He had never considered that maybe Sasuke had taken it personally, that Naruto hadn’t explained himself…

“… Pah.” Naruto says, looking away, because even if Sasuke can tell what he’s feeling anyway, he won’t give him the expression. “ _ Usuratonkachi.  _ You broke the rules once, what’s stopping you from doing it again?”

He doesn’t see Sasuke, but he has enough of an imagination to get a face out of him snorting.

“You’re unbelievable.” Sasuke says, and Naruto’s body instead relaxes at the other’s warmth, fanning out. To be honest, it’d be kind of suspicious if he walks near someone and they notice he’s a hotspot, but right now he can’t bring himself to care.

It’s weird, how Sasuke doesn’t walk down the stairs, only flickering to the very bottom with his hands in his pants while Naruto tries to keep his footing in the darkness, the nearby streetlight giving some assistance. He feels cold with Sasuke being away from him.

“C’mon, dobe, you’re taking forever.” Sasuke says, and Naruto scoffs, reaching the bottom before readjusting the bag on his back and entering Sasuke’s space, knocking his shoulder against his as a response. It feels weird, because he just passes through Sasuke instead.

“I figured you’d do that.” Sasuke says, and Naruto huffs.

The walk to the laundromat is silent, but only because Sasuke is too busy looking around flickering from here and there but still keeping himself close.

And, well, he’ll never admit he’s looking at Sasuke from the corner of his eye, the corners of his mouth perking up. Sasuke, when left to his own devices, seems to genuinely be curious about anything and everything. It’s a bit odd, because Sasuke has lived a life before— a modern one too, it seems—, and Naruto can only puzzle over why he’s looking around as if he’s been here for the first time.

The laundromat is, to put it frankly, shitty as hell. It’s a gamble when it comes to put your coins in those rickety machines, and Naruto can’t count how many times he ended having to put his clothes out for the world to see as they dried out in the sun. But it’s the only place within reach, so.

“Huh.” Sasuke says, and the glow from the neon  **‘OPEN 24 HRS’** sign…. Naruto had described it as absorption, but he also failed physics, and Sasuke is a giant middle finger to all those laws. Naturally, Naruto would say he glows blue in the dark, but the hue changes and mixes whenever a new kind of light is presented. Oddly enough, this doesn’t happen under artificial or natural light, but he’s always been translucent.

Naruto spends too much time looking at Sasuke. Even now, because Sasuke’s giving him a pointed look.

“Well? Are you going to stand here all night or are you going to get something done?” He says, and Naruto sticks his tongue out at him before pushing the door open.

The laundromat’s as dim and dead as ever, and even the person at the counter’s asleep on the job— if Naruto did anything of the sort, he would have his ass handed to him. Which reminds him; maybe he should take on his work full time for the rest of the month. Not much to do anyway.

“Bad business practice.” Sasuke says, his warmth slipping away. Naruto has to agree. “What’s this?”

He turns his head to look at what Sasuke’s talking about; a laundry soap vending machine. Naruto could just buy a bottle of detergent, but he also can’t be bothered.

“The saving grace for us plebs.” Naruto says, and Sasuke looks at him, with just mild surprise. Still, it’s unusual to see him emote in some way other than total neutrality or the occasional smugness. Maybe something else. It doesn’t last very long.

“I thought we had some unspoken rule that you wouldn’t respond in public.” Sasuke says, and Naruto can hear the slight confusion in his voice. But Naruto just shrugs, putting his coins into the machine.

‘“That guy’s dead asleep, trust me. We’re the only one’s here anyway.” Naruto says. He gets two packets of laundry soap, sighing softly before making his way over to the aisle of smaller machines, only to notice Sasuke isn’t following him. He quirks a brow.

“What is it now?” Naruto questions, and Sasuke rolls his eyes as he crosses his arms.

“Usuratonkachi, don’t you know what these machines are made of? One wrong move and this whole place is going down.” He says, and Naruto makes a small ‘o’ with his mouth.

“The folding tables are wood,” Naruto says, remembering how he broke one last time he came here. “You can stay put there like a good boy while I put this stuff to wash. It won’t take long.”

Sasuke narrows his eyes. “Don’t ever call me that again.” But he still disappears, only to begrudgingly sit on top of one table.

Naruto sniffles, feeling a bit too cold since Sasuke’s gone, but he’ll live. He puts his bag on the floor, tosses everything in, spills some powder soap, but otherwise everything manages to go okay. Once the machine starts rolling, he walks over to Sasuke, pulling himself to sit next to him.

“Fuck, it’s cold,” Naruto says, feeling that familiar heat creeping up his side as he rubs his hands together, bringing them up to his face to blow into them.  “I swear, no place around here has heating. I turn blue every time winter rolls around.”

“Maybe you should invest in a radiator or something.” Sasuke suggests, and Naruto opens his mouth to tease him, say  _ ‘why would I need that when I have you?’ _

But he doesn’t actually know how long Sasuke’s going to stay. So he says nothing, continuing to blow into his hands.

Nothing gets past Sasuke, the other boy squinting at him as Naruto tries to look anywhere except him.

“You’re going all sad. Why?” Sasuke says, and Naruto doesn’t know how to ask the questions he wants to ask. Doesn’t know how to start this conversation and doesn’t know if it’ll ruin their night.

“… Snakes really don’t have legs. Or arms.” Naruto mumbles. “How do they live?”

He knows it’s not enough to fool Sasuke with his fucking hawk eyes, but he seems to get the message as his face eases into nothing.

“… Perseverance. And spite, maybe.” He says.

After some time, the clothes are finally done, and Naruto has to put in the extra effort of folding them because apparently Sasuke only helps when he wants to. He packs the clothes into his backpack as well as he can, the clean smell making him smile a bit in triumph as he then slings the back over a shoulder.

“Let’s roll out.” He says, and Sasuke hops off the table, stretching even though Naruto knows he doesn’t need to.

“God, these machines are shit. No wonder it took so long.” Sasuke says, hovering behind Naruto as they make it out. Naruto’s back to being silent, much to his displeasure. But Sasuke is a comfort next to him, not seeming to mind. He’s even started walking, and Naruto likes to believe he’s trying to match his pace.

Naruto feels warm. Inside and out. And who knows, maybe Sasuke does too, because he’s eyeing Naruto. Maybe he thinks he’s being slick.

Even under these dull, dying streetlights, Naruto can make out a group of figures ahead, and he has half the mind to just cross over to the other sidewalk. But he also doesn’t want to potentially offend someone, so he keeps his course.

Big mistake.

Yashiro. Renji. Daigo. Those are their names. They haven’t terrorized Naruto’s entire life; only his adolescence, but he’s become more than familiar with them. He can see how the one he kicked straight in the dick has a bandage around his head for his stupid ass jaw that was satisfied to take a crack at.

And they notice him as quickly as he noticed them, judging by how they shout and point. Sasuke looks at him, but Naruto’s stare is hard as he approaches them.

“Huh, you must really have some heavy balls not turnin’ the other way, Uzumaki.” Yashiro spits, his smirk absolutely disgusting. Naruto sneers.

“Listen here, dipshit,” Naruto says, physically feeling the sensation of putting bricks around his brain, building his front. “I’m not looking for a fight tonight. If you want to save your ribs from being completely broken, I suggest you move out the damn way.”

Because Sasuke’s here, and he doesn’t want to reveal this side of him.

“Look at this fucking kid. We really beat your damn head good, huh?” Renji gawks, taking a step forward, and Naruto knows it’s a sign that things’ll probably not go his way. They never do.

Naruto still holds his ground, but the sensation he feels is unfamiliar, makes him feel queasy. Because Sasuke is here, clearly putting two and two together. Naruto takes in a breath, tries to squash the fear and trade it for a fierce calm, because he really fucking needs it.

“They did that to you?” Sasuke says, and Naruto almost feels himself give out. “They’re the ones who...”

“Tuh. Like I’m the one who ended in the fucking hospital.” Naruto says, standing his ground despite wanting to run away from all this. He knows he won’t be able to take the three of them on, not when the energy from the nap is fading. But it’s not in his image to back down.

Out of the three of his offenders, it’s the quiet one who steps up to him, getting in his space, and Naruto’s more afraid for Sasuke than he is for himself as Daigo makes his presence known.

“You fucking  _ bitch, _ who do you think you’re talkin’ to?” Daigo says, Naruto’s nerves flaring up. “You’re going the wrong way. The whore houses are behind you.”

And Naruto knows he shouldn’t have reacted. Should’ve, at most, spit something back. But something vile creeps into his system, Sasuke’s warmth from before almost becoming searing hot, enough for Naruto to feel burned. His hand goes flying while the rest of him stays behind.

They weren’t fair odds from the start. They never have been. But Naruto’s learned how to deal with that the hard way, and suddenly his world is just a blur of fists and kicks. With every one blow to the gut he manages to give, two of hits come out of him, and it’s only until there’s a sharp ‘thwack’ to the face that he finds his head nearly going 360 degrees, body hating the ground, and he can barely see.

_ The alleyway, _ a voice in his head says, and it’s not his own, but it’s familiar and grounding in this haze.  _ Lead them into the alleyway. _

Naruto shakes his head, ignoring the blood that splatters on the ground as he rises to his feet, wiping at his face with his sleeve.

“That all you got? A kid can hit me harder than that,” Naruto pants, and it’s kind of pathetic, because he’s bleeding a lot more.

_ You moron, don’t provoke them! _

_ It’s the only way, _ he thinks, because they’re meatheads who indulge in nothing but violence.

“Fucking bastard, don’t know when to stay down, do you?!” Renji says, a leg flying for his abdomen and Naruto throws himself back in the direction of the alleyway, just narrowly missing before he ducks, the force of Daigo’s swing and Naruto’s hit from earlier making him spin.

He almost has a moment to celebrate, because that was really fucking cool of him since he has no idea how to fight— none of them really do—, but someone grabs at the hood of his jacket and pulls, and he nearly chokes from the pressure against his throat as he’s slammed into one of the walls of the alleyway.

So much for that, he guesses.

Just a bit deeper, c’mon, the voice says, and Naruto— for as much as he feels like his head’s not even attached to his body—clenches his teeth as hard as he can, baring them as he grabs Yashiro from his own jacket and shoves him to the ground, tumbling with him.

“You fucking bitch, you demon spawn,” Yashiro hisses, and Naruto gets kicked off from behind by Daigo, rolling even further into the alleyway and coughing hard as he tries to breathe through the taste of iron down in his mouth and in his throat.

Naruto tries to bring himself onto his knees, but he gets kicked square in the chest, falling back before Renji sits right on him, his fist gearing back, and Naruto knows for damn sure that he’s going to get knock out cold this time—

But a blinding light of color illuminates the area, brighter than ever, a heat wave coming over him as a sneaker meets Renji’s chin with a sharp crack. Surely, he’s going to have to have his jaw wired shut this time.

“What the fuck?!” Yashiro says as his friend flies back, and Naruto’s eyes are wide. It’s next to pitch black in this alleyway, but Naruto can see everything, because he’s the only one who can see Sasuke; the only one to see his light, and how he’s sparking. It’s not the same aura as his usual soft blue; it’s a furious, aggressive violet, and Sasuke’s stepping right in front of his battered form.

When Daigo makes a move towards Naruto, Sasuke only strikes him in the mouth, then in the stomach, too fast for Naruto’s dizzy eyes to keep up. There’s so much more finesse to his moves, like he’s been fighting for years, and while his clothes and hair still move as delicately there’s no denying that Sasuke is working to immobilize them in a series of hefty punches and hard kneeing.

_ Sasuke, _ Naruto thinks, tries to wipe the tears out of eyes, not knowing it’s from the aching pain he feels all over his body or the one in his chest. Even in his head, it’s pitiful, but Sasuke is quick to turn around, his angry expression quickly melting into something so raw and sincere that Naruto can’t believe it’s real.

“Naruto,” Sasuke says, rushing over to his side, the heat simmering into that warm, gooey one that Naruto loves to selfishly bask in. “We have to get out of here. Can you stand?”

He’s not entirely sure, really, because he feels like jelly as Sasuke takes him up. But he finds his footing, quickly making use of his legs as he flees from the scene as fast as he can, but it’s crooked and his only real support is Sasuke, who’s practically flying over him to keep him up.

It’s clever, because had Sasuke supported him like normal, it would look so fucking weird to the average bystander.

Naruto almost trips over his shoes running up the damn stairs, but luckily he doesn’t, and they manage to make it into the apartment. He quickly shuts the door, locks it hard, and Sasuke’s fixes himself next to Naruto’s side instead, arm wrapping around his waist as he basically drags him to the bathroom.

Naruto doesn’t feel upset. Not yet. It happens after every fight, all the time; his brain just… stops working. He feels like he’s drifting on a piece of wood, on a black ocean that spans miles and miles away. His eyes are looking at Sasuke, watching his mouth move, but he can’t hear anything.

There’s a grip on his shoulders drawing him in more, and he closes his eyes briefly.

“... to. Naruto.” He hears, opening his eyes. Baachan.

(  _ He’s in their bathroom, age 13, he just got punched in the face, and his body is slumped on the toilet seat. He can feel her hands slide down over his arms, focusing in on that, because his mind can’t register anything else. He’s always loved touch; always loved being embraced, always loved his hands being held, always loved having caring hands cradle and smoosh his face. He’s never gotten enough of it while in that stupid orphanage, but Baachan changed that. She shows him love in forehead kisses, hugs him when he’d go off to school, ruffles his hair and as much as he hates it, he knows it's because she loves him. _

_ Her hands are on his wrists now, thumbs brushing the underside. When he smiles, she smiles _ .

_ “Good, good.” _ )

Naruto closes his eyes again, the feeling on his wrists is different, and yet the same. And it’s not Baachan who’s holding them, because their hands are so, so warm.

“That’s it, Naruto. You’re doing well,” He hears, his eyes slowly blinking as he looks at the person in front of him.

A boy, with black hair framing his face, expression indescribable from how much his head is swimming. But just seeing him brings Naruto calm, draws him in. He can tell he’s on his knees, just like Baachan would be, because she always said that it’s better not to look up at the ceiling lights.

Naruto’s hands (he’s sure they’re his) come up, and the boy lets go of his wrists. He places them on the other’s face. It doesn’t feel solid enough, not like Baachan’s, or anyone else he knows. But it doesn’t matter, because it lets him make connections.

“Sasuke…” He murmurs. “You’re Sasuke.”

Sasuke doesn’t move his hands away. Naruto likes holding his face.

“I’m Sasuke.” He says clearly, and it’s like it pushes its way into Naruto’s psyche. “What’s your name?”

“... ‘m Naruto.” He responds. Sasuke’s give him no traditional smile, his eyes do it for him.

“You’re Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto.”

 

-

 

His nose stops bleeding some thirty minutes later, Sasuke deeming it safe to remove the tissues in his nose and lie down. 

(  _ “I’m not going to let you die choking on your own blood,” Sasuke says, guiding Naruto’s calloused fingers around his own face, because Naruto said he felt less real than Sasuke. _ )

Naruto only to a certain degree, agrees. It’s not a fast enough death, not for him.

Naruto can feel Sasuke sitting by, not touching him but his warmth is a calm in Naruto’s creaking joints.

His consciousness slips from him from time to time, not quite sleeping but more dead than alive. Sasuke touches him when this happens— not directly because of the amount of sheets on Naruto’s form— and Naruto doesn’t know if it’s because he found out about Naruto’s touch problem. Because he can’t hide from Sasuke, it’s becoming increasingly apparent, and he doesn’t know how to feel. Should he be glad that someone can open up his chest and see all the gunk inside of it and doesn’t have to admit it? Or should he feel angry, because he’s overexposed after all these years of keeping things until the wraps?

It’s stupid.  _ He’s _ stupid. None of this would’ve happened if he had just killed himself at the clearing, he wouldn’t have suffered as much as he did if he had just drowned himself in the river behind the orphanage, if he had just died with his mother on that damn hospital bed and didn’t get his heart jumpstarted—

Naruto turns onto his back, feeling his brain jostle from that alone, eyes trying to find Sasuke in the dark. And they do, because Sasuke’s easy to spot. And Naruto wants to be held even if he has no right to, but because Naruto doesn’t feel real, Sasuke feels even less real.

He hates it.

Sasuke is silent as he sits by Naruto, and Naruto wants to scream, wants to pull his hair out, because he didn’t want this to happen. But all he can do is stare off into nothing, feeling tears well up in his eyes.

“Go on.” Sasuke says, and Naruto doesn’t respond, because he’s not going to cry, he’s not going to do more than he already has.

“... I’m sorry,” Naruto whispers, barely hearing himself. “I’m sorry, Sasuke,”

“Enough. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Sasuke says, and Naruto hates that he has to put more effort into breathing, because he doesn’t want to.

“I didn’t want you to see that, I didn’t want you to know, too,” Naruto says, and it barely gets through, because the lump in his throat keeps building and building and it strains him to speak. “I— I don’t want you to hate me, I didn’t want you to see that side of me, I don’t…”

And he can’t control how the tears flow out of his eyes, hot against his skin, his nose leaking with something other than blood. Naruto just barely keeps down a sob, swallowing hard.

It hurts.

There’s a pressure at his side, something more as he feels himself be moved, and Naruto is enveloped in the warmth that is Sasuke. He’s not holding him the way someone he knows would, but he has him close.

“They won’t hurt you again.” Sasuke says, and he sounds so sure, sounds confident. “I won’t let them.”

It’s really the first time Naruto’s ever heard such a thing. Even Baachan couldn’t guarantee safety, couldn’t tell him he won’t get beat to the ground again. Naruto doesn’t want to doubt Sasuke, but he does anyway.

 

-

 

“Why are you still here?” 

Naruto’s asked this before. The answer’s still the same.

“I don’t know, usuratonkachi. Why are you still here?”

“I don’t know.” Naruto says, eyes since dried, now heavy with exhaustion. “I wish I knew.”

Sasuke stares at the ceiling, because that’s where Naruto’s eyes are. Watches the reflections of cars passing.

“... We can make a deal.” Sasuke says, and he can see from the corner of his eye that Naruto turns to look at him. He looks back, because he was raised to be polite. “Let’s find our reasons for existence together. Why we’re here. I’ll help you, you help me. That sound good, dobe?”

Naruto is silent, only staring, and for a moment Sasuke thinks he’s lost him again. But then he sees Naruto take in a breath.

“What will happen to us when we find them?” Naruto says, and Sasuke it’s less about  _ ‘us’  _ and more about  _ ‘you’ _ . 

Sasuke’s thought about it. He doesn’t know if he’ll cease to exist. Doesn’t know if he’ll ‘pass on’ or whatever they call it. Doesn’t know if anything will change. He closes his eyes.

“We’ll see when we get there. Go to sleep already.”

It takes Naruto thirty minutes to fall asleep. Sasuke doesn’t move from the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things may or may not become rougher for naruto for the next chapter or so. also, do you guys prefer spontaneous updates or would yall rather i have a set day for updates? lmk! thanks for reading!


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> naruto and sasuke go to the pharmacy.

_Naruto’s skin is scorched, fingernails broken and bleeding as he pushes wood out of the way, smoke filling his lungs and embers flying as he forces his way out. The cries from before— cries telling him to run, to escape,— they’re dead and gone, and his heart races from cutting off his own breathing in favor of living just a bit longer, before the floorboard under his feet gives in._

_He lands on the bottom floor with a hard sound, the wind knocked out of him, but he’s always been quick to get up, and he knows he’s yelling, knows that the tears on his face are real, but he can’t hear himself over the roaring fire._

_Naruto coughs harshly, ash in his throat, and tries to look for a way out, but he can’t think, can’t speak, flesh blistering—_

Naruto wakes up with a spike of adrenaline, his black eye staying closed while the other is blown open, trying to take in as much as his environment as possible to calm the rapid drumming in his chest. He’s in his room, surrounded by his novelties, on his bed, covered in sheets that are probably sweaty as hell, and—

Naruto’s head turns on its side, and his nerves calm, just a tiny bit.

Sasuke’s still here. Looking strange as shit, but he’s here.

Onyx eyes drift from the ceiling to Naruto, blinking a bit at him before he sits up, and the morning sunrise has colors blending into one another on Sasuke’s form. His eyes are boring into Naruto, and Naruto can’t help but feel a teeny bit too open.

“... Bad dream.” Sasuke says, always so matter of factly. Naruto only sighs, turning his head the other way.

“Give me a minute,” He says, closing his eyes, trying not to remember the burn in his nose from all that smoke. “Give me a minute…”

It was a strange nightmare.

 

-

 

It wasn’t the best way of starting the morning, but he’s trying his best to not let it shake him, because he has shit to do today and dammit all if he doesn’t do it—

He’s currently got a towel on his head, a second around his chest and the rest of him, ruffling his hair to get his hair at least thirty percent dry. Sasuke had, once again, forced him to take a shower, even though he claims he could give less of a shit if he didn’t.

Naruto takes one last look at himself in the mirror; so much for the healing of his old bruises. His name black eye sticks out like a sore thumb, and his other eye is still bloodshot, but at least it makes the blue of his iris stand out. There’s no point in finding the good in his injuries. They’re still just physical reflections of a fucked up brain.

“I have to go to the pharmacy,” Naruto says as he exits the bathroom, and Sasuke looks over his shoulder to see him. It’s odd, how easily they just… exist with each other. He remembers something one of the doctor’s in his life said about him, something that makes him feel hollow.

 

( _“Naruto has shown attachment issues,” he says to Baachan, thinking that Naruto hasn’t been paying attention to his words from where he sits just outside of office, his good ear doing its work. “He attaches himself too easily when he’s shown kindness. He opens up so fast, I was shocked that he even managed to talk to me about his past during our first session.”_

_“I… never noticed it sooner,” Baachan says, and the sadness in her voice is been real; Naruto knows it’s not her fault that she couldn’t be with him very much these days. “Naruto doesn’t have many friends, but I know he’s very good friends with Sakura. He’s practically bound to her by the hip. He’d demand to see her when they parted._

_“Mm. I do not blame you.” The doctor says. “It’s very difficult to see such a thing, not only because there are few people who seem to treat him right, but also as a parent. If he continues like this, who knows what problems it may bring. But he’s young, perhaps we will be able to correct his behavior._

_Naruto makes a vow to change._ )

 

“Usuratonkachi.” Sasuke says, floating just a few feet away and Naruto snaps out of it, blinking. “Are you still here?”

“I— yeah,” Naruto mutters. It’s kind of hard to hear, and a quick feel of his ear reminds him that he, indeed, left his hearing aid in the bedroom.

By the time Naruto even turns on his heel, Sasuke’s already in his room, but he obviously doesn’t pick up the hearing aid for him. But at least Naruto can do that much, putting it in place. Much better.

“Let’s see,” Naruto thinks, tossing the towel in Sasuke’s direction, but of course all it does is phase through him. “I have to get ointment, a new ice pack, a medicine refill,”

“Band-aids,” Sasuke says, and Naruto rolls his eyes.

“Band-aids,” Naruto repeats. “Maybe a new toothbrush.”

Sasuke snorts, “Yeah. You scrub your teeth harder than you would the floor.”

“Pah. Hilarious. Uchiha Sasuke’s got jokes.” Naruto retrots, opening over of his drawers and taking out a sticky note pad. He quickly jots everything down— otherwise, he’ll definitely forget—and looks over at Sasuke.

_Get out,_ he thinks, just to test something out.

And Sasuke gets the message, phasing through the bed and through the floor, and Naruto finds it completely unnecessary to do that unless Sasuke likes spying on other people (a freaky thought), but he closes the door of his bedroom to change.

Yeah. He’s got the ‘sporty but depressed kid’ look down pat.

Naruto then exits the room, picking up his shoes as he walks towards the front door and shoving his feet into them. Sasuke follows suit, and Naruto smirks a bit. Definitely like a duck following something its just imprinted.

But it fades when he opens the door, his lips going into a taut line. From here, he can see the rest of the neighborhood, the rest of the world. It’s treated him like total shit so far, making him atone for sins he has no idea he committed, and it’s something he never forgets.

Naruto almost feels like going back inside, but there’s a touch on his shoulder, and he turns back to see Sasuke.

_It won’t take long,_ the voice in his voice says— Sasuke’s voice. _I’ll be with you._

Naruto takes in a deep breath, turning to look at the city again, and takes a step out.

Unlike the laundromat he settles for, it takes a bit of walking to get to the good pharmacy. He’s always felt out of his element, going into the nicer part of town, but even more so now that he looks like he’s just become a punching bag.

It’s not far from the truth. Naruto puts his hood up in an effort to hide.

He can feel how Sasuke’s temperatures change now and then, having half the mind to check on him, but he remembers that they’ve got a telekinetic connection now, so he won’t have to look at him and risk suspicion.

_It’s telepathy, not telekinesis._ Sasuke says in their little mind space, and Naruto tries hard not to roll his eyes.

_Whatever. Tomayto tomahto._ Naruto says back. _Anyway, what are you doing? You keep fading in and out. You’re not breaking our promise, are you?_

_This sidewalk’s barely big enough for two people, dobe. Not my fault they keep walking in front of me._

That’s interesting. Naruto’s brows going up a bit, but it hurts to do so.

_So you’re just phasing into them?_ He asks, and he can imagine Sasuke’s taunting smirk.

_Look at you, catching on quickly._

_Pah. Fuck you too._ Naruto thinks, briefly making eye contact with someone, their face showing that awful expression Naruto can’t stomach very well.

Concern.

He’s suddenly more conscious of everything and everyone. Conscious about the cars whizzing by, conscious of the people walking around him, catching glimpses of his face. Naruto has no idea where to look.

_Let’s play 21 questions,_ Naruto suggests, certainly out of the blue, but he can’t think of anything else to focus on. _But instead of one question each, let’s do, like, three at a time._

_Huh. I guess there’s nothing better to talk about. I go first._ Sasuke says, and Naruto has a feeling the guy always liked being first.

_Fine. What do you want to know?_

Sasuke falls silent, and Naruto doesn’t really know the bounds of their telepathy. It’s like Sasuke can talk to him, and read his mind, but Naruto can’t do the latter. Maybe ghosts brains are harder to crack. Or maybe something else. He can come up with a question about that.

_… What’s your favorite color?_ He asks, and it’s lame as hell.

_Pfft. All that pondering and you thought of that?_ _Wow._ But Naruto answers anyway. _But it’s orange._

_Ah. Okay._

_What kind of response is that?_

_Stop. I’m asking the questions here._

He asks him two other basic questions— _“what’s your favorite food?” “oh, you know,”_ and _“what’s your hobby?” “dying”_ —, and it’s clear that Sasuke’s never really played this game. But it’s fine, because Naruto is boring anyway.

When it’s finally his turn, Naruto puts his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

_Why can’t I read your mind?_ Naruto asks, and Sasuke goes quiet again.

_I don’t know, dobe._ _Maybe it’s because I’m a ghost._ Sasuke responds, and it’s a bit disappointing. _Things are different when you’re dead._

_Like what?_

_Well, for one, feelings are weird._ Sasuke admits, and for once Naruto feels like he’s getting somewhere. _It’s like… you still feel things, but nothing strong. Except for certain cases, I think._

Naruto thinks about Sasuke’s overall attitude. How quick he is to recover from anything, how expressions seem to come in flashes instead of lingering. His deadpan’s chronic; maybe there’s an actual reason behind it. Maybe that’s how Sasuke can keep a leveled head, even if Naruto’s falling apart.

But then he remembers the fight in the alleyway, how.. angry Sasuke had gotten, something foul that had even infected Naruto for a moment there.

_What about things like energy?_ Naruto asks, because God knows he doesn’t have a lot of it. He can barely remember the last time he did.

_Endless._ Sasuke replies. T _hings like feeling tired, sleepy, all that stuff. It doesn’t come to me. It would be a perk if I actually had things to do. And just my luck that the closest thing to resting I do is just closing my eyes._

_Isn’t that weird, though?_

_You’re breaking the rules again, dobe. Three questions each, remember?_

_Oh, so you get to break the rules, but I can’t? I see how it is._

Naruto can see the pharmacy up ahead, relieved that he won’t be surround by so many people. He almost debated putting their game on pause, but seeing as they’re communicating nonverbally, there’s no need to.

The doors open up with a ding. Naruto takes a basket and immediately bolts for the dental aisle, which is conveniently right near the entrance. Sasuke is obviously not content staying where he is, scrunching his nose.

_Metal._

_Can’t you just phase through the floor or something?_ Naruto asks, inspecting a toothbrush. Yikes, it’s pricey. Forget that.

_The piping here must be different than in the apartment complex._ Sasuke responds. _I mean, I have no idea how it might look, but what if we’re over a sewer or something? Bad news._

Naruto snorts to himself. _You’re like a vampire with garlic. Now c’mon, ask me something, grandpa._

_Watch it, usuratonkachi._ Sasuke says, and he can imagine the sneer. _… When’s your birthday?_

Ah. Naruto can’t help but feel a bit bitter on the inside, even though he knows Sasuke doesn’t know very much as to why.

_October 10th, 2000._ He’s looking at a peculiar bottle of mouthwash before getting his list out, because he can’t afford distractions. _Soon, I guess._

_Oh, I really am older._ Sasuke informs him. Naruto snorts in his head.

_Thought so. Your wrinkles are awful._ Ah, an actually affordable toothbrush! That’s going in the basket.

_This is coming from the guy who called me hot as hell? Wow._

If he could, he’d launch the whole basket at Sasuke.

When Naruto walks into the next aisle, Sasuke follows him, and Naruto sees him phase right through of them. It seems like they don’t feel anything, walking out like normal.

_What is the strangest thing you have come across?_ Sasuke asks, and Naruto can laugh as he looks at medical gauze.

_You, obviously._ He answers, and he can almost imagine Sasuke shaking his head.

_Usuratonkachi rings true, I see._

And just like that, they’re tossing each other questions and answers, and there seems to be some sort of silent rule that they wouldn’t ask anything too deep, that stuff like that is for the night. 21 questions: Night Mode might not be in the cards, though.

_Can you, like, stop reading me?_ Naruto asks, and he has no idea how Sasuke reacts because, again, lack of powers. _Don’t get me wrong, it’s useful, but… do you do it all the time?_

His head is silent, and Naruto’s concern gradually builds up, because he hopes he worded that in a way that isn’t offensive.

But Sasuke’s, for the lack of a better word, very thick. He doesn’t get offended too easily, and if he does, it’s over something trivial. He’s a funny guy.

_… It depends,_ Sasuke begins. _For your emotions, I can’t seem to. I’ve tested it against distance, but it looks like no matter how far away from your dumbass I am, I can feel something._

_How touching. Edward and Bella who?_ Naruto shoots, and he’s convinced that if he looked at Sasuke, he’d give him the meanest glare with a cross of his arms, hip cocked to the side.

_You’re a brat, you know that?_

_Maybe so. Anyway, what about your weird mind reading stuff? Can you turn that off?_

_Yeah. I’ve stopped since we’ve started playing this game._ Sasuke admits, and Naruto snorts as he tosses an item into his basket.   _It would be boring if I knew the answers before you told them to me._

_Makes sense,_ Naruto thinks, taking a moment to look at Sasuke from over the aisle, who’s sitting cross legged in the air with his elbows on his knees and chin on his hands, and Naruto wants to laugh, because it’s ridiculous, Sasuke’s ridiculous, everything about them’s ridiculous. _Again,_ he thinks, only to himself since the ghost confessed to not reading him, _my life can’t be real._

After his basket’s full of shit he both needs and doesn’t need (antiseptic versus a handball) Naruto makes his way to the register, realizing that all the time he spent clowning around with Sasuke was time he didn’t spend preparing for this brief yet painfully long bout of eye contact, and he chews harshly at his bottom lip, the scab from a while ago gone but a new one taking its place.

The person at the cash register, an old woman with eyes just as tired as his, lifts her head to look at him, and Naruto tries not to cringe when her eyes go wide.

“Hello, young man,” She says, and he tries to give her a smile, tries to make things easier for the both of them.

“Hi, he says, focusing on placing the items on the counter and hurry this along. “I, um, believe I have some medicine I need to pick up; Uzumaki Naruto?”

“Ah, yes, let me fetch those for you before I scan your items.” She says, and Naruto nearly hits the counter with a clenched fist, because he had been hoping she’d scan his shit beforehand so the getaway would be that much sooner—

Naruto doesn’t know what to do himself when he purchases things. He doesn’t know where to look, what to say, and sure he might be overthinking things but surely there’s a name for it. He just shifts from one leg to another, and even when he feels that familiar amiability wash over him in the from of Sasuke floating next to him, Naruto can’t quit his fidgeting.

When the old lady comes back, she sets the medicine to the side, and while Naruto doesn’t feel embarrassed about Sasuke having to see him get it— after all, Sasuke’s seen him at his worst, back at the clearing—, there’s a need to apologize.

“I already know what you’re going to say. Don’t even think about it, usuratonkachi.” Sasuke says out loud, and for a second it scares Naruto, until he realizes Sasuke only exists to him.

Naruto doesn’t bother with small talk as the cashier slowly scans his things, asks for a rewards card that he quickly denies, despite being a frequent customer.

It’s like she’s deliberately moving so slow. And Naruto hates it.

When she’s done bagging his stuff, she prints out his receipt, along with some card, and hands it over to him.

“Have a good day, sir,” She says, and Naruto gives her a nod before doing something short of a power walk towards the exit, Sasuke flickering from his side to the outside of the pharmacy.

_Holy fucking shit,_ Naruto says internally, breathing out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He puts a hand over his chest, almost feeling his heart through the layers.

Sasuke looks at him with slightly knitted brows, coming close.

_You’re done, dobe. Let’s get you somewhere else_ Sasuke tells him, and Naruto nods as best as he can, taking in a deep breath before he makes his way towards the apartment.

 

-

 

When Naruto has calmed down enough, he finally works on taking the items out of their bags; band-aids, he says in his mind. Mints. Antiseptic. Handball.

It’s not until he reaches the bottom of the bag that the card the old lady slipped into his purchases appears. A matte white, he picks it up, reads it over.

**Domestic Abuse Hotline — Anonymous Calls.**

He tears it up.

 

-

 

“Oi, knucklehead.” Sasuke says from across the table, where Naruto has a bowl of noodles in front of him. At the very least, he made them himself, and there’s vegetables. “Are you okay?”

Naruto stops his hand short from his mouth, steam coming off the noodles on his chopsticks. He eyes Sasuke, and it’s uncomfortable to have only half his vision.

He has no idea how to respond, and that’s what’s unnerving. Because usually around his friends, he can get away with a lie, but Sasuke’s different.

“Last night.” Sasuke says, and if Naruto wasn’t fucking confused before, he is now. “That was rough. And this morning too. And this whole day.”

Naruto stuffs the noodles in his mouth real quick, leans back in his chair as he scratches the back of his head. He knows about about the other two, but last night?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” Naruto murmurs, swallowing down his food after.

“You don’t remember.” Sasuke says, his stare fixated on Naruto, and Naruto honestly feels guilty for it.

“Maybe tell me what happened?” Naruto suggests, and Sasuke looks like he’s in thought, arms crossed on the table as he leans in.

“... You got beat up in an alleyway.”

He remembers that.

“You had a dissociative episode.”

Oh. Okay.

 

( _“Your boy has a complex and active brain.”_

_Baachan’s hands are on her lap, clenched. She listens attentively as Naruto begrudgingly, yet again, has to peek into the conversation from a crack of the door._

_“The mind can be a powerful thing, a completely different part of the body, capable of doing so much. It seems like Naruto’s brain is working, but it’s… in the wrong ways.” He explains.  “I’m sure you’ve heard of repressed memories, yes?”_

_“I have. Does Naruto do such a thing?” Baachan asks, and even from here Naruto can see her knuckles going white. Not because she’s mad, he knows, but he still feels that way._

_The doctor nods. “It’s a bit peculiar; he can recall events for the long term— that is, his initial trauma—, but he seems to completely squash down anything frequent. Or, in other words, short term, such as his meltdowns or dissociative episodes which happen in bursts of high stress rather than stretching out._

_However, this doesn’t mean they’re completely repressed; by being straightforward and patient, you could have him acknowledge his problems; this is crucial to his growth.”_ )

 

“Uzumaki Naruto.” A voice brings him out of his head. “Are you following me?”

“... Yeah. I’m really sorry.” Naruto mumbles, a hand coming up to rub at his temple. But the other boy seems to be in no rush, doesn’t tell him to look up. “I just… I don’t know. It’s like teleportation; I’m here one moment, and there the next, and I don’t know how I got there. I know it happens a lot. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you. It’s okay if you want to leave,”

“Stop, stop. You’re going on a whole different tangent.” Sasuke says. “What did I ask you? Remind me.”

_Okay,_ Naruto thinks. _Okay, I can do this._

“You asked… if I was okay.”

Sasuke nods, his knee coming up onto the seat, and Naruto wonders if that’s was a habit of his in life. “Are you?”

Naruto flexes his fingers.

“I think so.”

 

-

 

Later that night, Naruto is in bed, and for the second time in a row, Sasuke’s with him too, and they’re both watching something on the screen of his tiny phone. Unlike Sasuke, who has been paying attention thus far, Naruto’s very well next to brain dead, blinking tiredly.

“Usuratonkachi.” Sasuke says, and Naruto’s eyes snap away from the screen to look at him. “Go to sleep already. You’re always having this problem.”

Naruto scrunches his nose begrudgingly. He doesn’t want to sleep, doesn’t really want to leave Sasuke by himself to do god knows what (his neighbors must’ve taken the warning seriously, because they haven’t been making any noise), but it’s a matter of time before he passes out anyway.

 So he clicks his phone off, tosses it to the side, and ( in a rushed and very last minute decision ) throws his limbs over Sasuke, even it hurts a little bit. They just phase through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall!! hope you enjoyed the chapter. tbh i'm not as happy w/ this one hhh. anyway, i'm deciding that this fic should be updating on wednesdays! right in the middle of the week. Nice


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not all days are cloudy for naruto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to satisfy my sns nerves.... also sorry if the story's going a bit slowly, but i'm trying to figure things out. i did leave a lil smth there at the end ;) anyway, i hope you all enjoy!

Naruto has decent days. By his standards.

It’s those days when he feels like he doesn’t have to try as hard. Days where he’s not fighting against himself and losing. Days where, while not as happy as the world around him, he still finds it a bit easier to smile.

The moment he wakes up, the sun is just about rising, its light just barely filtering through thick curtains.

“You’re up.” Sasuke says from the beanbag chair, and it ruins the moment. Imagine like a glass shattering effect on some video editing program. Naruto furrows his brows.

“Yeah, good morning to you, asshole.” Naruto mumbles, head resting back on the pillow. The morning usually is the most chaotic hour of the day, as Naruto scrambles to do as much as possible before he has to jet to school.

But he’s suspended, so.

Naruto isn’t ready to exist, not yet. Because existing is really, really hard. But today is different, because he’s actually stretching out in bed, wiggling his toes.

“Did you have a good dream?” Sasuke asks, and Naruto chuckles a bit, turning his head to look at him.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you read my mind?”

Sasuke doesn’t look puzzled, but he is reading him. Because his brows are just slightly knitted in concentration, and Naruto has to stop himself from wondering, because Sasuke will find out.

_ Wow, amazing. You actually do as I ask. _ Naruto thinks, and Sasuke definitely looks annoyed.

_ Usuratonkachi. _

_ Funny way of saying you love me. _ How brave of him.

_ I can tell you’re in a good mood. You’re ten times more irritating. _ Sasuke rises in a way that wouldn’t be humanly possible, his hair wisping around before he floats over to the window.

The ghost pulls the curtains open, letting in the light, and Naruto scrunches his nose.

“You wake up at this time almost everyday anyway, dobe. Don’t act like this is new.” He says. There’s an especially bubbly feeling in his stomach.

“I think,” Naruto starts, even though his voice is raspy from sleep. “I can do something today. I want to do something today.”

And Sasuke is right in front of the window, looking at him, with a smile and gentle eyes and a classic morning scenery behind him. Naruto doesn’t know which view is prettier.

“Then get out of bed already, fishcake.”

 

-

 

So, going outside is out of the question. All it takes was a look in the mirror to remind him that he, indeed, still needs some time to heal.

Sasuke is also in the bathroom with him, and while it should be impossible for two people to be in it, whatever parts that the boy couldn’t fit in just phase into things. Like his feet in the floorboards.

“I have to get rid of these soon…” Naruto grumbles. Sasuke doesn’t say anything to that, but instead butts into his space, trying to get a look at himself. Of course, there’s nothing there. Does he even know what he looks like anymore?

“I can’t remember my face.” Sasuke says casually.

“You’re ugly anyway,” Naruto says, because there’s no way he can say otherwise as he does the last of his regimen, only combing his hair with his fingers a few times before shaking his head. Baachan always told him he had a treetop for a head. He then turns on his heel, making his way out of the bathroom.

“I’ve been told otherwise.” Sasuke says, and it just that much more of a clue about the boy’s life before. He wouldn’t be surprised if people fawned over him— not that he ever would, of course, even if he’s— “Tell me. What do I look like?”

Ruh-oh.

“Pah. I already told you!” Naruto exclaims, trying to ignore the heat rising up his neck. “You’re ugly!”

“Uh-huh.” Sasuke says, flickering from one place to another. This time, he’s by the kitchen, and Naruto narrows his eyes. “… This place is getting dirty again.”

Naruto’s blood goes cold.

“No…” He whispers. “Don’t tell me…  you’re going to make me do chores… on my decent day…”

Sasuke purses his lips a bit, crosses his arms as he walks around, looking at the space, and Naruto doesn’t have to read his mind to know what this little shit is thinking.

“I don’t care what you do,” They say in unison, and Sasuke only looks mildly surprised and more annoyed, and it amuses Naruto to no end.

Because it’s good to see him emote. It’s good to see he’s not hollow.

“You know what, usuratonkachi? Yeah. I’m making you do chores. First starting with the living room.” Sasuke says flatly, like that’s that and Naruto can’t refuse, despite clearly having the power to.

In the end, he complies anyway, because he doesn’t have much to do.

It’s only halfway into doing the work, couches pushed out of the way for through cleaning ( because Sasuke loves to see him suffer this way, he’s convinced ) that his eyes land on the small vase on the coffee table he’s pushed out the way, the flowers having yet to die.

_ ( His new apartment is barren, despite the promise it was going to be furnished.  _ _ Not that it mattered much anyway, because Naruto can make do, and sleeping on the floor for a few days isn’t something he can’t deal with. _

_ “The moving truck should be here tomorrow to drop the rest of your things,” Baachan says next to the pile of boxes against one of the walls, hands on her hips. “In the meantime, I’ve gotten you a futon you can rest on.” _

_ “Thanks, Baachan,” Naruto says, trying to smile despite only feeling more like a burden. But this is the end; now he’s starting high school, one far from home, and from here on out will be living alone. Free from that feeling that he’s taking more than he’s giving. “Honestly? Don’t know why people are so afraid of you. You’re a big softy.” _

_ “Want to say that again, punk?” She says, coming over to ruffle his hair, and while it’s rough it doesn’t hurt. Because, unlike many adults before her, she never hurt him. He can’t help but laugh a little bit before she pulls away with a smirk, crossing her arms before looking around. _

_ “… Really big for one person.” She says, voice gentle and so unlike her. But she’s only human. “Are you sure you’re going to be fine by yourself?” _

_ “Of course, Baachan! I’m old enough, right?” Naruto tells her, trying to reassure her, because the last thing he wants is to see her frown. “I’m as tough as the woman who raised me. A Senju as much as I am an Uzumaki. I can carry the weight of the world with one finger if I wanted to!” _

_ He knows that she knows he’s really just talk, because just a year ago he had been crumbling. But she still doesn’t comment anyway, smiling wistfully at him before she takes out her phone. _

_ Tsunade has a bad Spotify playlist. Like, really bad. Because she’s old and likes to listen to old tracks. But she puts a song on anyway despite his obvious distaste, puts the phone on a box, and turns to him. _

_ “Let’s dance.” She says, and suddenly he feels embarrassed. Because suddenly he feels much, much younger. _

_ “What’re you saying, Baachan? I’m too old for that!” _

_ Tsunade narrows her eyes, pursing her lips. “Aw, c’mon. Naruto. I won’t be seeing you for a while. Let me have this.” _

_ Naruto can’t help but give in in the end. Because he, too, runs on nostalgia. ) _

The floor is as clear as that day. It’s… spacious. Naruto takes out his own phone from his pocket.

“Oi, dobe, you’re not slacking off are you?” He hears Sasuke say, and Naruto rolls his eyes.

“It’s time for a break anyway.” Naruto says, looking through his playlist and— ah, that’s the one. Music begins to play and he tosses his phone on the couch, smiling a bit when he sees Sasuke squinting. Naruto takes in a breath and faces him.

( Why his heart is beating faster, he doesn’t know. )

“Let’s dance.” Naruto says, and Sasuke’s eyes only squint further.

“Why.”

“Because it’s break time.” Naruto answers simply, ignoring all the tingles in his hands, his feet. “So? What about it?”

Sasuke stares at him, and Naruto dares to think. But it doesn’t seem that he’s trying to read his mind.

“… I don’t dance.”

“And here I thought you couldn’t get more boring.” Naruto tuts, but he’s determined. Because this is a decent day. “C’mon, please? It’s a good song.”

Sasuke doesn’t seem to budge, and Naruto almost thinks it’s a lost cause. But Uchiha Sasuke is almost, if not always, soft. Whether he was like that in life or after, it doesn’t matter; because it’s the Sasuke he knows.

So he walks towards the boy with as much confidence as a teen about to ask someone to homecoming, and reaches out, both equal parts surprised and relieved to find that his hand meets Sasuke’s wrist, instead of phasing through when the ghost is playing around or doesn’t want to be touched.

Naruto drags him, but it feels like nothing, because there’s almost no weight to Sasuke as the boy hovers. He then turns, having to look up just a little at the guy— both older and taller. Both by just a small margin. Just his luck.

“I don’t know how to dance.” Sasuke says, and Naruto doesn’t know if he’s really insecure or just stating fact. It doesn’t matter either way.

“And you think I do?” He asks with a smile. “Just… I don’t know. Pick up what I’m putting down. Do whatever you feel is right.”

Sasuke scrunches his nose bit, and Naruto smiles a little bit more— his cheeks already hurt from filling the daily quota—, swaying a bit.

At first, they’re awkward; Sasuke keeps phasing, Naruto messes up his footing, they don’t know what to make of their hands, don’t know where to look. The only saving grace is that Sasuke doesn’t feel pain, because had it been any other way, he probably would’ve thrown Naruto on the floor.

But they get the hang of it, somehow mutually deciding to hold hands, and it’s the best feeling ever.

Because Sasuke looks like he’s enjoying himself, despite everything he’s said. He has a small smile on his face, genuine, and when Naruto spins him around he can’t help but be mesmerized by soft laughter and the twirl of his haori, and for a second it’s like he’s not even a ghost anymore, a person just like him, enjoying his moment. Their moment.

Sasuke doesn’t feel real. But at the same time, he’s the realest thing Naruto’s had in his life yet.

But, such is life, all moments have to come to an end.

The two of them spin around, in a classic fashion, going straight for the typical hand-to-shoulder, hand-to-waist, their free hands still holding onto each other.

And like all the good dancers out there, to finish off the song, Naruto dips Sasuke rather smoothly, so deeply that all Sasuke has on the ground is one heel, the other leg in the air, and if it weren’t for the fact that Sasuke is a ghost he would’ve been genuinely afraid.

Sasuke’s hair is moving in its unique way around the other boy’s face, his smile is wider and gracing his face so. It’s a joy that Naruto’s never seen from him before, and he swears to god the guy’s gone from blue to golden on him.

Their eyes lock, and it feels like time stops, and Naruto can’t hear anything but his heart nearly leaping out of his ribcage.

And then he’s phasing through Sasuke, forehead smacking on the wall. So much for that.

 

-

 

“I said I was sorry.”

“No sorries. If I end up bruising because of this, I might as well just die,”

Naruto’s back in his bedroom, alternating between lying with an ice pack on his forehead or his head on Sasuke’s lap, because apparently heat promotes blood circulation, which promotes healing, and lord knows Sasuke’s got a lot of it to go around.

“You’re not going to bruise, dobe. You’re lucky I put the ice pack on you when I did.” Sasuke says, and Naruto blows a raspberry, because what kind of shit is that?

“ _ Lucky?! _ I passed out for, like, two minutes because of you!” Naruto barks, and Sasuke’s lips go into a flat line.

“Again, I apologized. Do you want me to write an essay or something?” Sasuke says, and Naruto huffs. Of course Sasuke would be a numbskull.

“What happened to you, anyway? You were semi-solid one moment and like nothing the next!” Naruto near-yells, and just to prove his theory, reaches up to flick Sasuke on the forehead. Of course, there’s barely a feeling, but it’s there.

“You stink.”

“Liar, I doubt you can even smell with your stupid ghost senses.”

“Oh, great, you got me.”

“I’m serious!” Naruto says, turning a bit so that he’s looking up at Sasuke now, who’s staring down at him. Because he wants to show Sasuke that he’s for real. “It’s… did I… make you uncomfortable…?”

Sasuke stays quiet for a moment, and Naruto’s heart skips a beat at the possibility that maybe he has, in fact, pushed things too far, crossed a boundary that he didn’t mean to, and hell he’s ready to apologize till his tongue falls off—

“Stop worrying so much, dobe.” Sasuke says, eyes softening. At least, Naruto thinks they are. “That’s not it..”

“What is it, then?” Naruto asks, and it’s soft, he notices. Because he’s still afraid of what he’s going to say. His attention is all on Sasuke, blue eyes staring deep.

“… It just happened, I guess.” Sasuke says. “Just like how you, I don’t know, re-enacted a scene from a Disney movie in the spur of the moment, I just kind of. You know.”

Naruto juts out his lower lip, the furrowing on his brows easing up. It’s strange. While it’s not the first time Sasuke couldn’t give him an answer, it is the first time he sounds unsure of himself. It’s something Naruto knows very well.

And he’s forgiving, because it’s his decent day. He’ll drop it for now. He’s about to turn back to put his cheek on the warmth of Sasuke’s thigh, but Sasuke stops him with a pull of the ear.

“Oi, it’s about time you put the ice pack, dobe.” Sasuke says, and Naruto huffs as his head’s forced to turn again, eyes looking up at Sasuke before the guy drops the damn pack on him.

“Ow!”

He can hear the other chuckle, and the hand that goes through his hair feels like something so new but so familiar, like it’s happened before, even though Naruto knows that’s not the case. A warmth that leaves him melting, eyes fluttering shut, because Naruto always gives when it comes to touch.

“Hah. You have grey hairs already.” Sasuke teases, and the hand that comes up to smack at him just phases through.

 

-

 

Naruto fell asleep, and the apartment is quiet once more.

Sasuke doesn’t bother moving his hand away from Naruto’s hair, because the blonde shifts when he tries. What he said about the grey hairs is, in fact, true; Sasuke can see them right at the crown of his head, evidence of a life filled with struggle that other people could accept, because they aren’t as bad as bruises or bloody noses or calloused hands.

He can’t feel anything under his own, not really. But Sasuke can imagine what it feels like; maybe a bit dry, because Naruto never takes care of his hair right, but tries a bit harder on it than the rest of himself.

Sasuke reaches for the ice pack, taking it off the boy’s forehead, and finds that his eyes are glued to that face— it’s covered in bruises that are fading away, his eye circles still as dark as they were when they first met, his lower lip has a scab that’s going to fall off, and most people would avoid eye contact at something so unsightly but Sasuke has never been someone to shy away from such a thing.

He just wants to make sure it never happens again. Because Sasuke likes it better when he can see a full face of sun kissed healthy skin.

_ Sun kissed? Where’d you learn that? _ Sasuke thinks to himself.

Naruto scrunches his nose in his sleep, and Sasuke wishes he knew what was going on in that brain of his. But there’s a light in Naruto’s chest that his eyes can see, and he’s not as concerned anymore.

_ Dumbass, _ Sasuke thinks, twirling a lock of hair around his finger— it’s getting long, he notes—and snorts when a smile spreads on Naruto’s face, even though he’s still asleep.

Uchiha Sasuke, all things considered, can’t feel love. Doesn’t know how to love, just as he doesn’t know how to hate, or how to feel sad. Because he’s dead and his life has since passed.

(  His existence isn’t about him anymore. )

But he, too, has lingering feelings of everything; like he’s carried them over to this other side he never imagined existed.

And, perhaps, possibly, for all one knows if Sasuke could put into words how he feels about Naruto, about this dumb, goofy person that only seems to exist around him, that has had a life full of trials and yet is still here…

Maybe it’s something like love. Don’t hold him to it.

 

-

_ There’s an obnoxious ringing in his ears, aching eyes opening to see he’s gone upside down, feeling a warmth leak out of his mouth, his nose. He feels dizzy, head stuffed to the brim.  _

_ Drip, drip, drip. Sasuke can see red, blood that’s his own. _

_ He takes in his surroundings; broken glass, snow spilled in, the only thing keeping him back is a seatbelt and before he knows it he begins to panic, hand immediately moving to snap the seat buckle open. It’s hard to move, but his body is small. _

_ Sasuke knows he’s screaming, reaching for the person in front of him, grabbing at their shoulder and trying to shake them, but they’re limp. Tears well up in his eyes, and a creak of the car is a telling sign of an impending devastation, and there’s a choice to make. _

_ Sasuke, with as much as his little legs can bear, kicks at the rest of the broken glass from the window beside him, bruised fingers working his jacket open to allow him to crawl out of the car, the harsh wind immediately biting at his skin. _

_ Drip, drip, drip. That’s the gas coming out of battered, broken vehicle. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! the plot is taking ages to thicken but It Will Soon. also i may or may not be working on smth new... hehehe. see you next week!


	8. eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> naruto's friends are concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter actually takes place earlier in the timeline! sorry it's p short but i hope you enjoyed anyway kjnsaknd. warning for uh brief marijuana use

“Is something happening to Naruto?”

The question comes down the apartment like a hammer, shaking its infrastructure, nearly breaking it two, or something dramatic like that. Point is, it has Sakura pausing on pouring freshly brewed coffee into her cup, blinking down at it instead before chewing the inside of her mouth a bit before turning around.

Hinata’s hands are around her own mug, but Sakura can tell she hasn’t had a sip of the coffee, brows knitted in worry and a frown on her face. It’s not a good look, not when she loves her as much as she does. And while Sakura would love to reach over and smooth out the tension, she knows that when Hinata’s concerned about something, things aren’t as simple as that.

“Remember when Chouji and I were meant to go grocery shopping with him?” Hinata continues, a bit slowly, as if she’s trying to formulate her thoughts. “When he came, his face was just… covered in bruises. A-And his lip… he just… he didn’t look so good. And his behavior was…”

Sakura contemplates on what to say. No one else knew what was happening to Naruto, out of what he tells them, because they don’t attend their school. But she knows; the blonde has always had a pendant for trouble, and is currently on suspension because of it. No doubt are his bruises from that showdown.

But his behavior, maybe, is another story. She hadn’t seen him in a while, so she wouldn’t know.

“I tried to text him, but he hasn’t been replying,” Sakura says with a small sigh, only turning briefly to pour coffee into her mug. Black it is, then. She then makes her way over to the small table Hinata sits at, a frown of her own on her face. There were times where Naruto would be… off, but everyone has those days, right? “I’ll have to stop by his place later. If we want to have his family there, we should make sure he’s okay.”

Family, for Naruto, seems like the only thing that brings a gleam to his eye. He told her that Lady Tsunade’s family is huge, though he does seem to show a bit of sadness when he talks about them. He had told Sakura it’s because he wishes he could see them more often. So Sakura, being the bestest friend she is and Lady Tsunade’s favorite friend, decided to contact them. They had agreed! It’s great! But if Naruto is in as much of a bad shape as Hinata says he is…

“R-Right…” Hinata says softly, trying to smile, but Sakura knows her girlfriend better. So she reaches over, taking the other girl’s wrist softly as she offers a smile of her own.

“Hey,” Sakura says. “We’ll go over today, yeah? If he oversleeps, there’s a ninety percent chance he’s normal.”

 

-

 

“Something’s up with Naruto.” Shikamaru says, leaning against the counter as he throws a towel over his shoulder. Work has been picking up recently, much to his chagrin, but hey. More customers, fatter paycheck. However, he’s thankful for the slow day. “That kid… I swear, he’s always got something going on.”

“He’s definitely getting weird.” Kiba agrees, chopping up some vegetables as he speaks. “I mean, sure, he’s late, but I don’t think the guy’s missed a day of work till now. I don’t think he’s sick either, but Hinata told me he looked fucked up when she saw him. My words, not hers.”

“Figured.” Shikamaru says, sighing through his nose. Naruto with bruises is like peanut butter and celery-- sure, they go together, but should they really? And as far as he knows, it’s just… weird. Kiba has bruises, sure, but Kiba lives a pretty active lifestyle, and they’re small and scattered. Naruto is a gamer who goes out every now and then. He lives alone, and isn’t dating anyone, so he can (thankfully) chuck domestic abuse out the window.

But still, there’s nothing. And yeah, clown him all you want, but you can’t blame him for being concerned about one of the best people he’s ever met. He’ll have to visit him later, because he’s not sure if this could go on.

“Maybe Sakura-chan knows something?” Kiba proposes, wiping at his forehead with his forearm. “I mean, those two are basically mega best friends, n’ they go to school together. Maybe something’s happening there.”

“... Oh my god. You actually said something useful.”

“Oh, shut up.”

 

-

 

“I believe something may be wrong with Naruto.” Shino says, breaking the chanting of his boyfriend’s endless counting as he’s doing push ups. With Neji lying on him, naturally. “Or, as Kiba just sent to me,  **‘Naruto is FUCKED’** .”

“What crude language.” Neji says with a furrow of his brow. It’s hard reading when you’re on someone’s back. “Maybe he’s just having a bad day.”

“Yes! A valid reason!” Rock Lee strains out, the veins of his arms bulging out as he lowers himself down, parallel to the ground before lifting himself back up. “After all, our friend Naruto is only human!”

“If you ask me, he’s been having a bad year. Why? Because Naruto looks like he’s getting his life force sucked out by a mosquito on his bad.” Shino says, and completely serious, too. It seems like as the months pass by, Naruto’s drifting more and more. The blonde used to be a lot more active in the groupchat.

“Do you know what’s been happening with him so far?” Neji says with a frown, and he closes his book, tapping Lee’s shoulder. The other boy lowers himself down completely on the floor, obviously spent, and Neji climbs off of him. It makes him feel guilty, how he, Lee, and TenTen go to university so far from everyone else, leaving them out of the loop.

“I’ve been… busy with my father’s internship.” Shino admits, glad that the shades can hide his eyes. “Kiba tells me that he stopped going to the ramen shop.”

Rock Lee audibly gasps, thought it’s unclear if it’s because he’s trying to breathe or if he’s actually surprised. “B-but he loves working there! And even more he loves ramen! What could possibly be keeping him away?”

Neji hums quietly, mostly to himself, but Shino hears all. “Maybe we should pay him a visit?”

“I don’t think our presence would be appreciated. Why? Because Sakura and Shikamaru must have at least considered the same thing, and it may overwhelm him if too many people go over to his house at once. Do you remember the last time?” Shino says.

“He was so nervous!” Rock Lee says, getting up and walking over to Shino. Obviously, Shino only holds out a hand, because as much as he loves Lee there is no way he’s going to tolerate sweat on him.

“We should wait until the party to confront him, then.” Neji says, crossing his arms. “This sounds like it has been going on for far too long.”

 

-

 

When Sakura and Hinata get to the floor Naruto’s apartment is on, there’s a stranger there, right at his door. A redhead, Sakura notes. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days, but he’s standing upright, pacing back and forth. She almost feels like turning back around, but her worry over Naruto trumps anything else. So with the best smile she has, she calmly begins to walk towards him.

“Hi!” She greets, and even though the boy doesn’t jump, she could see how his eyes widen slightly, and he lifts his head to look at her. “Are you a friend of Naruto’s?”

“... No.” Says the other boy. Sakura quirks a brow, and even if she waits for an elaboration, it never comes. “Are you?”

“Oh, yeah!” She says with a smile, offering her hand, but the boy doesn’t look like he’s going to take it. It’s just her being polite, really. “I’m Haruno Sakura, nice to meet you!”

“A-And I’m Hyuuga Hinata,” She pipes up, offering her own hand.

The boy’s eyes flicker from their hands to their faces. “... Gaara.”

“I can hear you guys, y’know!” Naruto shouts from the other side of the door, and this time Gaara does jump, just a bit. “What are you guys even doing?!”

“You little twerp! So you are alive!” Sakura shouts back, and Gaara is left, admittedly, a little confused and shocked. He looks over at Hinata, who sends him an apologetic look.

It’s silent for a bit, but the sound of unlocking the door soon comes, only pried as open as Naruto would allow it to. Immediately, Sakura loses the spark from before, frowning.

He doesn’t look as bad as Hinata says he did, but that may just be because of the amount of time that has passed.

“Hi.” Naruto says, his eyes looking from Gaara to Sakura to Hinata.

After much bickering, They’re finally let into the apartment, and whoa is Sakura impressed. Not a single piece of clothing or carton around, the place smelling fresh. It’s a drastic change from Naruto’s usual space— maybe he’s finally learned the importance of cleanliness. It’s ind of awkward, considering there’s someone Sakura’s never met before and Hinata was never the best conversationalist, and Naruto…

Well. She can see why Hinata’s worried. It’s like Naruto just vaguely acknowledges that they’re there. While his mouth definitely runs along the line of conversation, his eyes are… clearly somewhere else. Looking over her shoulder, looking over Gaara’s head… he just holds eye contact for a second before he’s back to looking off somewhere else. She knew Naruto could be a dreamer, sure, but… it looks almost like he’s following something around.

“Are you alright, Naruto?” Gaara says, hands folded neatly on the table in contrast to Sakura, who has both her elbows on it. She almost feels… sullen next to him. His entire being just screams something sad. “You seem to be ignoring us.”

There’s a brief moment of panic that flashes in front of the blonde’s face, Sakura notices, before he barks out a laugh. Naruto scratches at the back of his head, something Sakura knows is a nervous tic of his.  “Ignoring you guys? I’m literally in the conversation!”

“It takes more than just talking to handle a conversation, Naruto,” Sakura says, putting her chin in her hand. Has he ever had this problem before? She doesn’t think so. But maybe… she hasn’t been paying as much attention to him as she thought. “You have to look at people too.”

“Oh yeah? Well, Hinata doesn’t look at people when she’s talking, so why do  _ I  _ have to?”

Sakura notes how there’s a freeze in Naruto’s movements, a slight halt. A new elephant in the room just dropped its ass in the apartment. She quickly turns to see Hinata, whose own eyes are wide as she looks at Naruto. And it seems like Naruto still has some brains, because he immediately returns Hinata’s look.

“Hinata-chan,” He says, and Sakura can hear the shake in his voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that,”

“I know,” Hinata says quietly. “I know.”

Things go silent after that, and no one makes the effort to fill it. That is, until Gaara asks where the bathroom is.

 

-

 

It’s literally one in the morning, but it’s better late than never, Shikamaru thinks. 

He raps his knuckles against Naruto’s door, casually so. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s been here so late, because Shino gets really annoying when his boyfriend’s over, and he has to spend time somewhere. And since Naruto lives by himself-- again, something he doesn’t really agree with--, he’s always the best bet. Though, he doesn’t know how to feel about the fact the guy doesn’t seem to sleep at night. Ever.

Shikamaru only has to wait a bit before the door unlocks, showing a very,  _ very  _ disheveled Naruto. There’s no way--

“Um.” Shikamaru says with a blink. “You, uh, don’t have a guest over, do you?”

“As if.” Naruto says, and Shikamaru doesn’t miss how tired he sounds. “What? Shino kicked you out again?”

“Guilty as charged.” Shikamaru says with a shrug. It’s a blatant lie, but he’s treading on dangerous waters here; it looks like Naruto’s just about spent. Did he go outside earlier? Maybe he had a long day? “Anyway. Let me in. I feel like I haven’t seen your goofy ass in years.”

Naruto looks hesitant, lips parting slightly, but he quickly snaps his mouth shut as he opens up the door for him.  _ Weird. _

When Shikamaru sees the apartment, it looks more or less the same. There’s stuff here and there, like the bag of potato chips on the floor near the couch, and the empty bottles of juice on the dinner table, but it’s pretty decent. Because his parents taught him better, Shikamaru toes off his shoes before entering.

“Looks like someone decided to clean up a bit.” Shikamaru says, though the most he gets out of Naruto is a small ‘heh’, and even that sounds shitty. The blonde instantly collapses on the couch, picking up the bag of chips from the floor. Gross. “Alright, I’ll cut to the chase. What’s up with you, man?”

Naruto’s eyes look a bit distant, but Shikamaru can tell he heard him, because his brows furrow. He takes a spot on Naruto’s couch, briefly feeling a sense of warmth wash over him before it’s gone. It makes him feel a little… funny.

“What do you mean?” Naruto asks, narrowing his eyes as he puts a chip trio in his mouth. “I’ve been just fine. Being on suspension’s real fucking boring, though.”

“If that’s the case, why haven’t you been at Ichiraku’s? You’re lucky the old man actually likes you enough to not fire you.” Shikamaru says, because it just doesn’t make sense. Every other time Naruto was suspended, he still spent it with Shika and Kiba. And yet… “Don’t think I didn’t hear about Hinata either, asshole. What’s up with you? And don’t try lying to me. In fact, say nothing if that’s what you’re gonna try doing.”

For a bit, they’re staring at each other hard. Shikamaru’s not used to boring his eyes into someone; more like he’s too busy staring at cars or something, but he wants to get his message across. And it seems like it does, because the guy says nothing, but suddenly Shikamaru wishes that weren’t the case.

With a sigh, there’s one last trick to pull. It’s a bit of a dirty one-- but neither of them have been good at talking about feelings in a normal, healthy way, and the only saving grace is that they don’t do it often. Temari says they’re bound to change one day.

 

-

 

“Shika… Shiiiika…..”

“Yes Naruto, before you ask, we are in the same dimension…. I think.”

“... I wish we weren’t. ‘Cause, like, I have this friend, right?”

“From another dimension?”

“From another dimension! N’, like, he’s…. Uhhhh…. Doesn’t want you know his name,”

“He fucking sucks, that’s rude.”

“Yeah. But he’s also dead. N’ I want to go be with him instead of here. In this dimension.”

“... You wanna  _ die?” _

 

-

 

By the time Shikamaru goes home, he’ll forget all about what happened in Naruto’s apartment. Sasuke made sure of that. 

If it weren’t for the fact that Naruto literally lives in the worst place in town, Sasuke’s sure the police would’ve already knocked the door down. But that’s not what he’s worried about, as he picks up a certain blonde idiot, trying to not let him slip through his arms. Naruto’s knocked the fuck out; apparently doing non-prescription ( and  _ illegal _ ) drugs does that to a person. He slowly rolls him onto the bed.

It’s… shocking, really. Because while Sasuke always knew Naruto was bad at talking about his feelings with his friends, about opening up, he never imagined it to be _ this _ bad. Now, Naruto has snapped at him before, has taken jabs at him, but Sasuke doesn’t feel hurt. Can’t feel hurt. But his friends are living, feeling people, and hurt is written all over their faces when Naruto gets defensive around them.

If the guy’s trying to hide the fact that he’s a suicidal moron plagued by the past, either he’s doing a terrible fucking job or his friends are stupid enough to buy his act. But from what he’s seen, it could very well be both.

“... You’re so stupid.” Sasuke murmurs, flickering from Naruto’s side of the bed to the empty one beside him, knees brought up and his elbows resting on them. To think Naruto let something as big as Sasuke’s  _ existence _ slip through his lips… well. He can’t be too hard on him. After all, he was high.

But even dumber was the fact that Naruto had said that he wanted to be with him. He’ll blame that on the drugs, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that's as much as naruto's friends know abt his whole situation... next chapter we pick up off right after chapter 7! also remember how i told yall i was working on something? well, i actually have aother multi-chap fic put up! if you like uzushio-focused stories or just wanna read smth from me while you wait for this to update be sure to check it out!


	9. nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> late night talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE DAY HAS FINALLY COME FOR LORE... hope you guys enjoy!

Sasuke’s eyes open to a disturbance in his core, the sound of labored breathing breaking the silence like a hammer would glass, and Naruto’s shaking underneath the covers, his hands in his hair that just a while ago Sasuke has touched.

For a second night in a row, the other boy’s are still shut, stuck in a dream. But he’s grasping at the sheets, tensing his limbs, and tears are on his eyelashes. Emotion hits Sasuke like grand tidal waves, a bout of stress crashing into him before it’s pulled back, barely getting a second to linger before grief hits him, anger, sorrow. It’s almost too much, but it’s even worse from Naruto, who’s harboring these feelings even while he’s supposed to be resting.

Sasuke doesn’t know what to do. Waking him seems too dangerous, but he doesn’t know how he could just… exist, knowing this is happening, that Naruto’s in pain and he doesn’t know how to help.

“Help,” Naruto pleads in his sleep, and Sasuke can only stare with an intense focus as Naruto reaches out for nothing. “Car.. help—“

_ A car. A battered, broken vehicle, covered in dirt and snow. _

_ Of course, _ Sasuke thinks. Because it makes sense. Sasuke doesn’t dream, hasn’t in a long time, and yet…

Sasuke eyes the hand that’s trying to grab onto nothing, and he remembers what it was like, being there. A tiny child, alone in the cold.

He reaches to meet Naruto’s hand, hoping it’s enough, hoping that he can at least do this much.

And it somehow wiggles into Naruto’s head, the breathing becoming lighter, his emotions not quite as harsh or turbulent but it’s too soon to say. Rightfully so, because Naruto’s brows begin to furrow, an unconscious panic blazing out of his chest, and Sasuke can hear how his heart beats like he’s about to die.

Blue eyes suddenly come alive, but they’re unfocused as tears leak out, and Sasuke squeezes the other’s hand tighter.

“Naruto,” Sasuke says, trying to make himself known, because he’s in the present, and he knows Naruto isn’t. “Naruto, can you hear me? It’s Sasuke. Come back.”

Sasuke can see it, what Naruto is feeling, what he’s thinking. It’s almost explosive, and makes Sasuke want to try harder, instead Naruto’s cheeks into his hands, minding the still healing bruises.

“You’re alright, Naruto. You’re okay,” Sasuke says, and there’s hands trying to find him, latching onto his arms. “Deep breaths, Naruto.”

Naruto’s eyes finally find him. They blink slowly, look into Sasuke, and he looks right back, because Naruto needs to know he’s here.

“... Sasuke,” Naruto says, the rise and fall of his chest gradually slowing down. “‘M sorry… I’m fine…”

“Somehow I find that hard to believe.” Sasuke says flatly, but only because it’s the truth. And while he knows, he still asks, “What did you dream about? You’re all shaken up.”

Naruto looks away, blinking, no doubt in an effort to get rid of his tears. Sasuke would’ve hated this sort of thing in life— on the top ten ways to irritate him, it definitely would be avoiding questions.

But he’s better now. He can be patient.

“I… can’t tell you…” Naruto says, and Sasuke can feel how fear and regret creep up in Naruto’s chest, and he has to suppress a frown. But he knows that it’s nothing personal, and if he remembers his life the way he thinks he does, he had been the same way.

“You can’t tell me? Or do you mean you don’t  _ want  _ to tell me?” Sasuke says, and Naruto’s face just contorts more, and he can see the blonde’s teeth digging into the skin of his lip. “... It’s… okay if you don’t, Naruto. If you’d rather not, I won’t bug you.”

At times like these, Sasuke feels conflicted about his ‘ghostly’ powers. He can read Naruto like a book. Knows what he feels before Naruto himself would even realize. Knows that all Naruto has to do is be awake and Sasuke will know everything.

But Naruto is vulnerable, and even if Sasuke can’t control his sensing abilities, there’s something wrong about it. Like he’s intruding on something. Like how he feels Naruto’s inner quarrel, two opposing roots coming from the same monumental tree.

“... I haven’t even told my friends…” Naruto says, and he just barely hears it from how quiet he is. And it’s almost jarring, how the Naruto from yesterday is still the Naruto today. “So how could I tell you?”

_ Except he isn’t _ , Sasuke thinks.

Naruto sniffles before turning his head to face Sasuke. And a ghost doesn’t have lungs for air to go into, but he would’ve drawn in a breath if he could. Because those irises of his— a magnificent, gorgeous blue… they stand out against how red his eyes are, tears still on the rims.

He doesn’t like it.

“You have your reasons, usuratonkachi.” Sasuke says, hands moving away from Naruto’s face, but the other boy moves to grip at his hand, keeps him from pulling away. Sasuke doesn’t mind. “But… if you want to tell your friends… you can start with me.”

And it gets just a small smile, but it’s good. It’s worth it.

“You’re a friend…”

“I mean, clearly I’m not just a roommate, am I?”

“... No. It’s… I just...” Naruto says, his eyes looking away, but he’s still holding onto Sasuke. Sasuke can’t feel the pressure, but he knows by how his form is giving in under his palm, Naruto’s grip is tough. “... Forget it, ‘s not worth it,”

Sasuke cuts him off there.

“It is, Naruto. No matter how many times you say it isn’t.” Sasuke says firmly, because he wants to get it through Naruto’s head. If he tries to be soft this time around, those ill feelings Naruto has… they’ll just fester. “It’s important, because it hurts you. I don’t care if you think you’ll sound like you don’t make sense, or if you stop at any point. If you want me to, I’ll listen. I have enough time in this world.”

Naruto’s eyes widen a bit, lips slightly parted. But then the blonde’s mouth goes taut, eyes looking like they’re in pain, avoiding Sasuke.

But Sasuke is patient. He lies on his side now, not letting go of Naruto, rather pulling him towards him. It doesn’t take much for Naruto to roll like the boy’s body is made of lead, forehead on Sasuke’s chest, and when Sasuke wraps a weightless arm around him he only tenses up slightly.

But Sasuke knows he’s calming down.

They’re silent, just lying close to each other. Sasuke can hear the occasional sniffle from Naruto, and would just rub his back, as if it’s any form of comfort. Sasuke doesn’t even bother to think about how much time passes, because it doesn’t matter. And he doesn’t bother asking if Naruto’s awake, either, because he can feel the thrumming of the other’s emotions against him.

“… My mother died when I was born.” Naruto says out of the blue, and Sasuke can hear the exhaustion in his voice. Like he had been running a literal marathon in his head, thinking of ways to say something so heavy and have it not burden the other person. But he must’ve remembered Sasuke’s not much of a person anyway. “She… literally died giving birth to me, Sasuke. I didn’t even get to meet her.”

“That’s not your fault.” Sasuke says simply, unable to provide anything more than the truth. “It was out of your hands.”

Naruto laughs, but it’s not as hearty, more hollow if anything. Another sniffle. He still hasn’t moved away from Sasuke’s chest, and Sasuke can barely feel the tip of the other’s nose nudging against him. “My dad died in a car accident.”

Sasuke grips onto him a little tighter.

“He…” Naruto begins, taking a pause. Sasuke doesn’t rush him. “I was little, I think, but I can’t remember where we were going, can’t remember why, but there was a lot of snow, and the car kept sliding, but he told me it was okay because he— he was a good driver.”

Guilt and sorrow claw at the edges of Sasuke’s chest, and Naruto sniffles once again, lets out a shuddering breath. Sasuke tries to pat him, but he’s starting to feel like he’s too weightless for it to make a difference.  He tries to recall what he saw in that ‘dream’; little hands and little feet scrambling out of the car window.

“We— we were driving through a blizzard,” Naruto says, and his body is shaking, and Sasuke can feel how much he’s struggling to grasp at words. “A-and he couldn’t see, and there was— I don’t know what the fuck happened, but then we slid off the road, and we were fucking tumbling, Sasuke. I— I can’t— it was so fucking terrifying, Sasuke, I—“

“Breathe, Naruto.” Sasuke says, rather flatly despite feeling like he should be more soft. Despite feeling like he wants to be more soft. Instead, he tries to give as much of himself as possible for Naruto to grab onto even with this stupid form of his, because he knows Naruto loves touch. Craves it, even, and it’s no surprise as to why, “Breathe.”

Naruto begins to cry. It’s quiet, barely any noise coming out of his mouth, but Sasuke can tell in the way he takes in short breaths, curls up even more. There’s nothing else to do except wait it out.

“I- m-my ear… I hit the window, cracked it on the way down, and I couldn’t hear anything,” Naruto croaks. Sasuke wasn’t expecting that. “He was right in front of me, Sasuke, upside down. And I- I tried to wake him up, but he didn’t move anymore, and the car was smelling so much like gas and blood and—“

The blond’s hand tries to grip onto him, but his palm is only phasing deeper into Sasuke. “I had— I kicked the window, and all I could see was white, and it was so fucking cold and I didn’t know what to do—“

“There was nothing you could do.” Sasuke says, rubbing at the other’s back again. But Naruto only pulls away, enough to hit at him.

_ “Teme! _ Yes there was!” Naruto shouts, his voice cracking at the end. “I could’ve— I could’ve searched for help, I could’ve tried to wake him up again, I could’ve—“

It’s irrational, Sasuke thinks, that Naruto believes he could’ve done something. He’s seen it. He was Naruto, in that dream, remembers being small and the trees being huge and remembers blood dripping from everywhere. How there was nothing but the howling wind and white snow everywhere. But he knows better than to think it’s Naruto saying these things, because he knows him. The medication that sits on the bedside table is proof that these are thoughts that don’t belong to his Naruto.

Sasuke only steels his gaze when blue, irritated eyes meet his. “There was nothing you could do.”

_ “Yes there was!” _ Naruto yells again, and his fists hit against Sasuke’s shoulder again, but there’s no strength. A chorus of  _ ‘yes there was’ _ and ‘ _ it’s my fault’ _ fill the room, and Sasuke just rides out the storm. Because God knows how long it’s been that Naruto has done something like this; that Naruto had let himself actually think and feel about these things instead of trying to squash them down. This goes on for another while, and it astounds Sasuke just how much energy Naruto has when it comes to blaming himself.

Sasuke doesn’t keep count, but it feels like a matter of hours when Naruto starts to dial down, deflated. But he continues to talk anyway, even though he’s slow and tired. Talks about how he was taken away from the crime scene, put into a system that didn’t care for him. Talks about how his body never felt right and how Sakura was the one to fix his hair when he haphazardly cut it in an effort to change his reflection. Talks about being on medication for so long he doesn’t know who he is anymore, and how he’s ruining the only relationships in his life because of course he is.

They’re a lot more alike than Sasuke would’ve ever thought. But he’ll be damned if he lets Naruto share the same fate as him.

By the end of it, Naruto’s in tears again, and it’s enough. He’s told him everything he’s needed to know, and the fact he’s even said anything shows that he’ll get to the point where he’ll be able to talk to others, too. As the blonde’s body keeps shaking, Sasuke tries to hold Naruto as tight as he can, being here the only way he can be.

“I’m so proud of you,” Sasuke says quietly, and even if he can’t feel anything, he buries his nose against Naruto’s hair. “Thank you for being so strong.”

It’s a step in the right direction.

 

-

 

**[ TEXT FROM: cherry blossom ]**

 

_ hey, we’re going to push the party to ur birthday btw _

 

_ figured it’d be better _

 

_ anyway i hope you’ve been good, text me soon or i will call the cops on you _

 

-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so
> 
> 1\. sorry if you were expecting sasuke's backstory, but that's sure to come soon! it's been mentioned before,
> 
> 2\. naruto's takin his first step towards healing w/ the support of others. we'll see how this talk session affects his interactions in the next chap ;)
> 
> 3\. speaking of chapters, surprise! this was supposed to be posted on wed, but i wanted to move the party to naruto's birthday, so there'll be another update!
> 
> as always, feel free to comment, and thank you for readin!


	10. blessed ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> naruto turns eighteen. even if he didn't expect to make it another year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uploading this for my greatest love, uzumaki naruto, hope yall enjoy!!

There are many things that Naruto loves. There are many things that Naruto is scared of. His loved ones are smack dab in the middle.

( And, with plight, he acknowledges Sasuke is just a different angle of the same problem. )

Their story goes something like this: first, it’s Naruto and Sakura. Sakura meets Ino at a party. Ino had bought Sakura into her friend group. Her friend group shared mutual friends with another, and the chain went on until Sakura had invited him to a gathering.

Naruto, being the ramen addict he is, had recognized Shikamaru and Kiba immediately, since they worked at the shop. The rest was history.

His friends are so different from each other, it’s hard to imagine that they all get along. Some even more than others; after all, when your group consists of ten other people, there’s bound to be a couple or two.

Naruto loves them. So, so much. And yet, he’s done them so, so wrong.

He can’t count on hand how many lies he’s told. How many secrets he keeps. How many times he’s doubted them. They show him that they love him in their own, unique ways, and it’s  _ suffocating. _

What’s worse is that Naruto knows it shouldn’t be. Because a normal person is to open their arms to love, supposed to return it, supposed to keep it close. And it’s what Naruto used to do, when he first met them.

There are few times where he’d meet all his friends at once— usually, they come in trios, in pieces. He can handle that. But he’s not so sure now, already imagining the sounds of laughter and happy smiles and playful shoving and just knowing that they will all survive without him. And now, there’s a whole different ball game he’s going to have to play: family.

There’s a warm touch going up along his spine, and he doesn’t have to lift his head to know that Sasuke’s responsible for it. And as much as he hates to admit it, it seems like the warmth glazes its way over his bones, over his thoughts, forcing his brain to slow down.

“Fishcake.” Sasuke says next to him, and Naruto has to put in the effort to roll onto his back instead. Sasuke leans over to brush his hair out of his face. The push back of the party allowed him enough time for his skin to clear up more, and he’s just on the last crutch of healing these stupid bruises. “You’re overthinking.”

“Oh,” Naruto says, a bit pathetically, because wow Sasuke’s hand is warm, “Did you… um… read me?”

Sasuke shakes his head, and Naruto wonders how they got to this point. It seemed like just yesterday Naruto was yelling at Sasuke to stay put in the living room and the living room only.

“You make it really obvious, usuratonkachi. I can see it in the nick of your brows.” He says, and he proves this point by poking his thumb against the spot between his eyebrows. It’s kind of embarrassing, and Naruto doesn’t want to listen to the small voice in his head that’s hopeful. “Spit it out.”

Naruto bites on the inside of his cheek, closing his eyes, trying to make sense of the millions upon millions of excuses piling up in his small, compact skull.

“I look like shit.”

“... And that’s news because…?”

“First of all, you’re an asshole,” Naruto bites back, but there’s no harm done. “It’s… it’s just been a while since I’ve seen my friends, even more so my family.”

“It’s your birthday party.” Sasuke says. “Be glad you’re not becoming head of the family or something.”

Naruto rolls his eyes, not wanting to give a proper response to Sasuke’s mocking. But still, it’s odd how Sasuke is slipping more of his past. He hopes there’s more he’ll learn. “Is that what happened to you?”

“No.” Sasuke says flatly, and there’s this look in his eye that Naruto can’t pinpoint. “It was… just a big celebration to witness, I guess. Not very fun. In fact, it was pretty stuffy and formal.”

That’s both funny and weird to think about. He tries to picture it in his head; a quiet, stoic boy holding some brightly colored box as a gift to the person having their birthday… yeah, it’s almost next to impossible. Sasuke never struck Naruto as a party person. But he guesses Sasuke must’ve had friends in life, too.

… Right?

“Yeah, but I just…” Naruto breathes through his nose, in between trying not to dwell on Sasuke’s life before and his own now. “I don’t know. The last time I’ve seen my family, I was still a freshman. They all came over to celebrate my adulthood.”

You aren’t an adult till you’re twenty. But Naruto had grown up faster than that. For the better or worse.

“Hm.” Sasuke says, and Naruto lets out another groan. If he had it his way, if the universe wasn’t so cruel to him, October 10th wouldn’t exist. Skipped like Leap Day. His body is heavy as he rolls off his bed, hearing the awful crack of his joints before he straightens out. “They sound like busy people.”

Naruto thinks about that for a second. It was an entire mess, finding out about them just a year after he was adopted.

Baachan always talked about her family, but there was never much opportunity to meet them, because apparently they live in a prefecture far away, where there’s even a waterfall nearby. They love nature and hate the city. But when the anniversary of his adoption came, Tsunade had put all the money she had into renting a car, and he knew she was serious about the road trip.

It was gruesome, traveling for such a long time and having to sit still, but they made it to the Senju compound. He still remembers how much he and Baachan stuck out like sore thumbs; city folk vs country folk.

The biggest change was when Naruto had to stop calling Tsunade ‘Baachan’, and instead had to call her ‘Kaasan’ for the sake of everyone else. It was weird, and still makes his heart ache.

He wonders how much his family has changed since then.

“... Yeah.” Naruto says simply, because it would hurt to elaborate. “... I don’t have good clothes to wear.”

Sasuke doesn’t say anything, and Naruto knows he’s staring, even though his back is turned to him. Naruto feels the need to select a front, to face Sasuke with it, but it wouldn’t matter anyway. Instead, he turns to look at him, tired as always but the feeling in his heart isn’t as heavy as it would be if he had been in front of anyone else. Which is strange.

Maybe, bizarrely, talking about your feelings  _ does  _ do something.

“What?”

“I thought, since you look like shit, you wouldn’t care about what you wear.”

“ _ Teme, _ ” Naruto says roughly. If there was one person that ignite something within him, Sasuke definitely takes the crown. _ Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke. _ It’s always  _ Sasuke. _ “I have to do something to make up for that! I mean, I know I might look like a shitty, gross, smelly, good-for-nothing mess to you--”

“You don’t.”

“--I should at  _ least  _ show that I still care about the way I look,” Naruto continues, brows furrowing as he looks at Sasuke.

A blank stare. A slow blink. It’s standard, really. But he doesn’t know if he was expecting anything else.

“If you can’t find good clothes, then you’re going to have to do some more laundry, dobe.”

He hates it when he’s right.

 

-

 

Naruto fidgets nervously on the couch, twiddling his thumbs. He’s in his best possible clothes, his house has been cleaned up, his fridge is stocked… all that’s left is for the guests to arrive. But who’s coming first, though, remains a mystery— Sakura did say she would be coming by early the day of the party, but that was back when the party was supposed to be on a different day. He almost wants to pick up his phone to ask, but only sits still at the dinner table, gnawing on his lower lip.

“Do anymore of that, and you’re going to split your lip open again.” Sasuke says across from him, and Naruto can’t help the huff that comes out. Sasuke doesn’t smile at this, but he does reach over, putting a warm hand over both of Naruto’s. “Hey.”

Naruto lifts his eyes up from the phone, eyes meeting the other’s. There’s a bit less… haziness to him. Looking a bit more human. It’s stupid, how much he appreciates that. In no way is he trying to say that Sasuke isn’t good the way he is, but… it kind of… hurts, knowing he’s dead. He doesn’t know why.

“… Don’t worry so much.” Sasuke says simply. “They’re coming over because…”

_ They love you, _ Naruto hears in his head. And Naruto feels the need to tease him, say  _ ‘aw, couldn’t say something so heartfelt out loud because you’re embarrassed!’ _ , or argue against it as  _ ‘no, they’re coming because they feel like they have to’ _ , but nothing comes out.

“… Would it be easier if I left for the night?” Sasuke asks, and that instantly has Naruto’s attention, furrowing his brows. His mouth flaps open, no sound coming out, but he still manages a head shake.

“No, what the hell?” Naruto says, because there’s no way Sasuke is actually thinking he’d kick him out… right? He thought they had overcome that wall in their time together, “Sasuke, you’re… you’re my friend too, you know? If all my friends and family are coming over, you deserve to be here, too,”

Sasuke rolls his eyes, and all Naruto can think is _asshole,_ because he’s trying to make a genuine sentiment here, but Sasuke continues anyway. “You literally lose your head when I’m around. Did you know that? Your messiness cranks up to eleven.”

Oh.  _ Oh. _ Naruto tries to fight against the heat rising in his cheeks, looking down at where Sasuke’s hand is still over his. It’s impossible to hide anything at this point, he knows, because Sasuke knows how he feels inside and out “I-I… Sasuke, this is really awkward to say, but I swear it’s not like th—“

He knows Sasuke’s eyes are on him, can see Sasuke’s hand pulling away, and for a moment he thinks he’s said something wrong. After the intense vent session from last night, he wouldn’t have imagined he’d have to come face to face with his emotions again, he’s barely recovered.

“Usuratonkachi, that’s not what I meant.” Sasuke says, and it’s as monotone as ever. Sometimes, Naruto wishes that wasn’t the case. “You, to be frank, don’t know how to act when I’m around your friends. And there’s going to be a lot of people tonight, so I don’t want you to ignore them or feel pressured to include me. After all, I  _ am _ just a ghost.”

Naruto stays quiet for a moment. It’s… kind of true. But he thought he was getting better at handling Sasuke’s presence. If Sasuke’s suggesting he leaves for the night, it’s probably for the greater good, but…

“… Just say you don’t want me to leave, loser. Is that so hard?” Sasuke says, crossing his arms like he’s not being a hypocrite. Naruto huffs a breath through his nose, finally looking up at the ghost with his brows furrowed. “Can’t believe I actually had to read your thoughts for that.”

_ “T-Teme!” _ Naruto sputters, and he hates himself for it, because it just makes Sasuke smirks just a little bit. “I thought you said you wouldn’t read them unless you had to!”

“You were taking too long.”

“Still!”

A rapping at the door interrupts their argument before it can even begin, and Naruto’s heart feels like it leaps into his throat. Sasuke doesn’t react much, only turns his head towards the door before he turns to look at Naruto again. It’s like they’re both waiting for something else to happen, but of course, Naruto would have to open the door first before anything could happen.

“You got this.” Sasuke says, and it feels… enough. Naruto takes in a breath, moving towards the door, stalling only when he has to open up the locks.

Not even a second to take in everyone’s face as people all force their way in, all cheering and loud as the small apartment quickly fills up.

 

-

 

When Naruto was little, he never thought he’d have a birthday again. That he would never have a  _ family _ again.

After his dad had died, Naruto doesn’t remember if he ever got gifts from the orphanage. There were so many kids and not enough money or time to go around. But he remembers the gifts the people would give him at school— broken teeth, swollen eyes, cracked palms. But then Tsunade had adopted him, brought him into her world. He remembers his first birthday with her and Dan; he was turning 14, he thinks, his memory is has become so fuzzy that even that can be a lie. But he remembers how, for once, Naruto didn’t wish to be dead. And that was back when he only had Sakura.

This birthday is even more. What became only three people giving him love has multiplied. Even when they’re packed like sardines in this tiny apartment, no one has complained. His grandmother, Hitomu, even said that it makes the place feel more… homey.

It’s almost too much, really. How many people are weaving their way through the space, and how much time has really passed.

His gruncle Nawaki— he loathes being called that—has a baby now, and his cousins tell him that Nawaki hasn’t put the baby down at all today. Their mother Himeji is talking to Tenten. Hinata, Tsunade, and Chouji are in the kitchen, trying to figure out how to get ‘this damn fucking ice-cream cake out of the freezer, god your fridge is too tiny Naruto’. Ino is talking to Dan, Tsunade’s husband, Rock Lee is bench pressing Aida and Tsubaki at the same time, and there’s a lot of squealing.

At the dinner table is Shino, Neji, and Shikamaru, talking about politics or whatever, Kiba’s trying to connect with Gaara, in the middle of them all is Sakura, who’s laughing and showing his grandparents what’s bound to be some embarrassing photo of him.

His apartment is warm, and he can’t help but look at the last person who’s been giving him that same love. Sasuke floats by his side on the couch, and for just a moment, Naruto imagines him as something more than a ghost leaning next to him.

“They’re here because they love you.” Sasuke says out loud, and no one turns their heads. “I think you can see that, right?”

_ Are you also here because you love me? _ Naruto asks boldly, not turning to look at Sasuke because nothing’s supposed to be there, but he wishes he could see the expression on his face.

_ Don’t kid yourself. I’m here because you looked like you were going to cry if I left. _ Sasuke tells him, and Naruto can’t help the smile on his face.

“Alright, we’re ready!” Tsunade exclaims, carrying the cake towards the table. “Everyone, get off your butts!”

The entire place bursts into motion again, and everyone shuffles around the small dinner table, and Sasuke nudges at him to get up. Naruto does, being the last person to wake over and gets pulled right into the middle of the group, being forced to sit down. Chouji’s already pulling out the knife, handing it to Naruto. Phones of every size whip out, and even Sasuke has flickered from the couch to the group, floating just enough to see him.

Naruto gives one last look at everybody, feeling his heart thrumming. He doesn’t feel like dying. _He doesn’t feel like dying._

“Um,” He begins. “Can I, uh, say something? Like, some final words?”

“Look at him, so polite he thinks he needs permission to talk!” His grandfather laughs out, and the group follows. “What is it, boy, speak your mind?”

Naruto has never rehearsed something like this. He thought he was going to die before he ever had to talk about his… health. But being in this room…

_ They’re here because they love you, _ he remembers Sasuke saying, and it repeats over and over again.  _ They’re here because they love you. _

**_I’m_ ** _ here because  _ **_I_ ** _ love you. _

“… For years,” Naruto says, taking in a deep breath. “I’ve been wanting to die.”

Everyone’s eyes go wide, but his own focus on Sasuke, who isn’t shocked but instead… encouraging. His gaze is soft, and he gives a small nod.  _ Keep going.  _ So he does. And even if by the end of it he’s left he and everyone else in tears, no one tries to overwhelm him, or pities him. They’re as patient and kind as he thought they would be, as they’ve always been, and though that doesn’t fix everything wrong with him, the hole in his chest gets a little smaller.

 

-

 

When his family leave to go stay at the local hotel, it’s just his friends. They suggest watching horror movies late into the night, even though they all know Naruto hates horror.

“Dude, do you think ghosts are good kissers?” Kiba asks from where he’s lying on the floor. Neji gives him a ( light! ) kick to the head. Naruto eyes drift for Sasuke, trying not to lean back when the boy floats upside down above him, his face right in front of Naruto’s. He’s absolutely sparkling in the darkness of the living room, glowing  _ blue  _ and  _ bright _ and god does he looks beautiful, always.

And Naruto doesn’t know if the confession earlier sucked more energy out of him than he thought, but he’s feeling too calm and serene, too out of it to even fathom what the fuck happens next.

Sasuke smiles, so tenderly it’s almost foreign, and his light goes golden as he puts his hands on Naruto’s face and leans in. There’s practically nothing, just the lightest peck of brims against his, so weightless he can debate it even happened, but it’s warm and tingly.

“Consider that your birthday present.” Sasuke says simply, and Naruto is left with his face burning up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some notes:
> 
> \- the original draft for this was a lot more angsty, but i couldn't pull thru, not on my boy's birthday
> 
> \- honestly im surprised the senju weren't a big clan?? but they're a big family in this au. why? bc i said so
> 
> \- naruto is on the road to recovery, but yall woulda thought i'd leave sasuke behind!! boy!!
> 
> also, can i just say: thank you for 100 kudos and over 1100 hits. i truly could not continue this story without your support!!
> 
> the song i listened to while writing this is [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9KqB0reN_w) ... the title is very fitting, i think


	11. eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's december.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey gang... it's been a while

Winter is home to the busiest time of the year. Naruto, once upon a time, loathed it; the red-cheeked smiles, the smell of cinnamon and peppermint, the frequent gatherings at the train stations, movies about rejoicing and family. His heart always ached the most around the holidays, thinking of what could’ve been. For as long as he could remember, he could only associate winter with three things; cold, loss, and a broken heart.

This year, though, he can breathe a little easier.

“Oh, fuck, I think I got blue balled by this stupid weather,” Kiba says through the chattering of his teeth as he walks through the door, the cold air rushing in and giving Naruto’s face goosebumps. The other boy’s face is practically a new color, the loud clanking of the shovel hitting the stools at the counter disturbing Shikamaru’s nap. “Can’t wait till summer comes back.”

“So you can complain about how hot it is and we have to put up with your stinky sweat? Yeah, it’s gonna be great.” Shikamaru murmurs, bringing his chin onto his palm, and Naruto can’t help but snicker. Kiba looks at the two of them, clearly scandalized as he makes his way around towards the closet. “Yo, Naruto, what time is it? I think we should be closing up shop right now.”

Naruto blows a raspberry. Of course Shikamaru would be too lazy to even check the time. He almost has half the mind to tell him to do it himself.

“Love how you’re asking me like you aren’t wearing a watch,” He says, but he checks his phone anyway; 9:54 P.M, three missed texts from Tsunade ( yikes! ), one from Tenten, and a bunch of messages from the collective group chat saying  **‘NARUTO’** from a certain image he had sent. Kiba had laughed his ass off about it. “Four minutes to go. We can wrap things up.”

“We should wrap things up! It’s Christmas Eve and Ino’s got that whole party planned! And I’ll be damned if I don’t get first dibs on the DJ!” Kiba says, and Shikamaru rolls his eyes. “Oh, by the way, is Gaara coming? I texted him earlier but I think he has yet to unblock me.”

“Really? I fucking told you you shouldn’t have sent him a manip of his brother!” Naruto laughs, feeling only warmth. Something that used to be so hard to do is coming more naturally, sounds and feels more real. Shikamaru sighs, shaking his head. “He takes no shit… unless it’s mine.”

“Alright, alright. Let’s get out of here. Snow’s supposed to pick up soon.” Shikamaru says, getting up from his seat and taking his jacket from the chair, shrugging it on. “I won’t hear the end of it if I don’t bring the Christmas cake.”

_ Christmas cake, _ Sasuke muses within his mind.  _ Sounds fruity. _

_ So do you. _ Naruto teases, taking up his own coat.

 

-

 

The party is fun. It’s warm. He’s surrounded by almost everyone he loves and who loves him back. Almost.

“You sure you want to leave already?” Tsunade says, worry clear on her face as she adjusts the cardigan around her. Despite the weather reports, the snow has only just began to fall, giving away to the gentle breeze. “You could stay over, Ino wants everyone to open up presents in the morning, so we’re all staying here.”

“I’ll be back.” Naruto reassures her with a smile, the light from the city around them dyeing them both in all sorts of colors. He puts his hands in his pockets, breathing in the winter air. “I just need to go home and pick up the presents I got for everyone. Don’t wait up for me, I know where her spare key is.”

“Hmmm.” His guardian squints, but a smile of her own appears on her lips, and she reaches out to ruffle his hair. “Well, alright. Don’t take too long, okay? Or I’m taking everything that’s yours. Stay safe, Naruto.”

Naruto laughs, reaches to wrap his arms around her, and she does the same. A squeeze for reassurance, another as a silent  _ ‘love you’, _ and he’s on his way to his car. In truth, the presents are right in the trunk, but he needed an excuse. Quickly, he takes a seat, revs up the engine and pulls forward, humming.

The last month, he finds, has been ordinary. He didn’t win the lottery, didn’t meet a celebrity, didn’t get into a major world scandal. But Naruto also hasn’t been bad. He’s been… okay.  _ Genuinely _ okay. He had started attending group therapy more with Gaara to prevent himself from isolation, changed his medicine. Naruto makes sure to text at least once a day in the group chat, does his chores when he can, started going to the gym. Well, maybe not as often now, but it’s really fucking cold.

He has since gotten off of suspension. And while he does pick fights from time to time, that’s just a part of who he is— not a front, as he once thought of it as. Sasuke kept his promise about not letting people mess with him, but he doesn’t have to worry about that anymore.

Sasuke… it’s been better than ever with him, Naruto thinks as he turns on the turn signal, keeps driving. It feels less like he’s leaning on Sasuke and more like he’s living beside him. The other boy, despite himself, is smiling more. He started having ‘dreams’ now, and even when Naruto is asleep, Sasuke is still there. It’s as if he and Sasuke were on the same page, finally, after what seems like ages even if it really just has been a couple of months.

( Naruto thought it was all over when Sasuke told him that he saw his dream of them together, holding hands in a way that friends would never do. It surprised Naruto when he reached for him that very same way. )

After a twenty minute drive, Naruto slows his car down, seeing a familiar figure sitting on the railing. The decorated haori flows with the wind, the snow only falling through Sasuke’s form as he pulls his car to a stop. Naruto turns off the ignition, slams the door shut, lets the winter air chill him to the bone as he snuggles his face deeper into his scarf.

“ _ Teme, _ you’re not dressed for the weather at all.” Naruto muses, and Sasuke turns to look at him, a small grin on his face. “It’s Christmas Eve, not a summer festival.”

“I look better than you regardless of the season, usuratonkachi.” Sasuke says, and Naruto snorts as he makes his way to sit on the railing. It creaks under his weight, but the warmth that Sasuke provides is welcomed and Naruto almost feels like leaning, letting himself drown in him. Despite the winter wonderland that is the clearing, the area surrounding him is only melted snow.

The world is silent around them, beside the wind, and nothing more. Sasuke’s looking up at the sky, and Naruto can’t help but feel himself go a little softer at the sight, because the boy looks thoughtful and it’s so weird compared to the constant R.B.F. or smug look. It grows to be too much, too used to their usual chatter.

“Remember when I almost killed myself here?” He says out of the blue, a small knot in his throat, and Sasuke doesn’t react much; nothing more than a side glance. “I don’t see how you needed to come here of all places. Whatever you needed to say, you could’ve said it at home. You sure you didn’t bring me all the way here just to be dramatic?”

“I remember that, yeah.” Sasuke says, and Naruto’s elbow only phases through when he tries to hit him. “… But no. There’s a reason. So I’m going to need you to shut up and listen for a second.”

Silence again. Naruto starts to swing his legs.

“I didn’t think I deserved to live. Didn’t think I wanted live.” Sasuke says, and it makes everything… stop. Naruto’s thoughts, his heart, his blood. His eyes widen as he looks at the boy beside him, but Sasuke shows no signs of distress, no signs of sadness. It’s just…  _ fact, _ but he hadn’t expected this. It makes the difference between them that greater-- Naruto still carries the burdens and joys of being alive. Sasuke doesn’t. “I made my choice, right here.”

Naruto doesn’t dare to speak.

“I wasn’t a nice person.” Sasuke continues, crossing his legs, and if he were any other boy he would’ve fallen right off the rail. “My family… they had these crazy legends. Something about us being bound to inherit the ‘Curse of Hatred’ or something. Turns out we just have really, really strong genetics for being bipolar and schizophrenia. Isn’t that something?”

Naruto doesn’t know what to say. Or what to do, really; he feels like moving off the railing, the edge suddenly seeming more frightening, but Sasuke’s opening his palm. Naruto takes it, subconsciously squeezing it, feeling a shift in tangibility.

“I used to… feel a lot, I think. I lived in extremes; either going full throttle or hitting the brakes. I hated everyone who wasn’t my family, I didn’t bother with friends, and going to sleep was just resetting the time bomb that was my brain. Honestly, I think you would’ve hated my guts if we had met while I was alive.” Sasuke says, and Naruto’s brows immediately furrow. He seems to get the message. _ “‘Sasuke, you idiot! That’s not true!’” _

“Teme… it’s really not. You had problems you couldn’t help.” Naruto pouts, and Sasuke smiles a bit.

“It got better. Through therapy and medicine. I think I finally began to stabilize by the time my birthday was around the corner, which was a pretty cool present.” Sasuke continues, looking at the forest down below them, and Naruto could only wonder what he’s thinking. “I got really, really into music. And science. My parents were really proud of me, and so was my brother. When my birthday came around, I had this brand new guitar with my name on it. Literally.”

Naruto can’t help but smile at the thought. He never took Sasuke as the musical type; he doesn’t sway to any of Naruto’s song choices, doesn’t really tap out beats or anything, but Sasuke only ever continues to surprise him. A moment of silence passes.

“It was August, I think. Sometime after my birthday.” Sasuke says, and an ugly feeling creeps within Naruto. He almost curses himself for it, because Sasuke can tell everything he feels, even more so when he’s this close. The boy squeezes his hand, and Naruto says nothing. “I didn’t live in an apartment. The house was regal, but it was made of wood and paper, surrounded by trees and a considerable distance away from the rest of the city.”

Oh shit. _ Oh shit. _

Sasuke takes a glance at him, shaking his head. “I didn’t live  _ here, _ dummy. Not at the clearing. But…” He says, turning. Naruto follows as his arm reaches out, pointing to a place high up on a steep hill, nothing there. “I lived over there.”

“Sasuke…” Naruto finds himself saying, eyes coming back, searching for any sort of pain in Sasuke’s expression. But there’s nothing, absolutely nothing. “What happened?”

“... I don’t know.” Sasuke admits. “I was coming back from summer school, because it was the only thing I had to do with my time and I hated feeling like a waste. But my house-- it was on fire. Not even a second of thought; I just ran in, because I could’ve sworn I heard my mother screaming inside.”

Naruto’s heart drops. Because he knows how this part pans out; remembers his dream from a while ago. He… he had seen part of Sasuke’s life, and didn’t even realize it. He remembers how loud the fire crackling was, how  _ heated _ the house was ( is that why he’s so warm all the time?), the screaming. There had been a story, on the news, about the tragedy of a family. He had tuned it out.

“My brother and my dad… they were buried, under the wood.” Sasuke says, only giving as much of a furrow of the brows. “I tried to claw my way through, messed my hands up. But they were already gone, and I heard the screaming die out upstairs. I could barely breathe, but I still ran, tried to look for her, but I couldn’t make it far enough before the floor fell, and me with it.”

“At this point, I knew I wouldn’t be able to save her even if I had found her. God knows how long the place was burning up.” Sasuke says, and Naruto can’t help but bring himself closer, as if he could give more of himself up to the other boy, as if he’s… simply human. Sasuke makes no move to create distance. “There was just a lot of running, getting hit by fire and wood. My skin was burning and blistering, my hands hurt, and I broke out through some part of the house, rolled down that entire hill.”

“Sasu--”

“Sh.”

Naruto keeps quiet.

“I don’t quite remember how I felt. But I remember it being intense.” Sasuke continues, his other hand coming to make languid motions-- a habit he had picked up from Naruto, and while Naruto would be amused in any other situation, it doesn’t bring him much joy right now. “Everything… hurt. I cried. I screamed. All there was was a huge fire, gulping up the place and people I called home. I remember getting up, not being able to look anywhere else but the top of the hill while I was backing away.”

“I stopped, just right there,” Sasuke says, even _points,_ and Naruto doesn’t know what to think, what to feel, how he could even _begin_ to imagine himself being in such a position, let alone Sasuke. The boy then turns back, facing the rest of the world. “And thought _‘Everyone is dead. I_ _am alone.’”_

“I looked at the railing. Through the mess in my head, the absolute worst having happened and me being sick from the start, I came to a simple conclusion that I finally thought with total conviction: there was no place left for me anymore, and no one to hold me back. So I jumped over this measly thing. That’s why I’m here. But I think now that everything clearer for me… it was a mistake. Even if it would’ve been painful to keep going for a while… maybe… it would’ve gotten better.” Sasuke says, and when he sets his eyes on Naruto, they widen. “Oi, dobe. You don’t need to cr--”

“That’s why you saved me,” Naruto chokes out, and he hadn’t even noticed he was crying but fuck it, it doesn’t make a difference. It… _ hurts, _ and Sasuke’s expression only confirms it; he wasn’t just there, out of the blue. There was a  _ reason, _ one he had been wondering about but would never ask for. “No one… no one was there for you… and you…”

“I had said it was your call.” Sasuke says, letting go of Naruto’s hand, bringing it to cup at his face. The tears don’t stop, even as they meet Sasuke’s form and melt away. “But I know now, that if someone had been there at the right time, it would’ve made me reconsider. And I was hoping as much as I could that you wouldn’t jump. But even if you did, I still would’ve caught you, because there’s no way in hell I’d be able to do nothing as I watched someone commit the same mistake I did. And I knew, from the day we met, you were like me; someone with problems. Someone who’s thinking thoughts that aren’t theirs and doing things they don’t mean to do. And I wanted to help.”

“At first, that was all I wanted to do. Just help you enough to get you back on your feet.” Sasuke says with a small smile, and Naruto can barely see it from the bleariness of his eyes, how the edges of the world around him blur, but he gazes unapologetically at Sasuke and thinks  _ you deserved so much more, I’m so sorry. _ “I didn’t care about finding a reason for existing. And I thought things would be the same after you improved. But then… I saw you with your friends. Saw you with your family. Saw how you enjoyed that dumb ramen that you love so much. Saw the world again with a different mind, in a different form-- and I had realized why I stay here. Why I keep existing.”

Naruto can barely breathe. He-- he,  _ somehow, _ as thick skulled as he is, knows what this is about. It means that Sasuke has been thinking of himself, which is great! It means Sasuke— if this plays out the way he thinks it will, it means he’ll move on, somewhere else, definitely somewhere better than here! It means… Sasuke can finally leave.

A small, selfish part of him… only wants Sasuke to stay. But he loves Sasuke more.

“Did you find your reason, Naruto?”

_ Breathe, _ Naruto tells himself, the snot already dripping down his nose, but Sasuke’s smile doesn’t fade. Only grows fonder, and he can feel himself dying in a certain way. Naruto tries to smile as best as he can, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand.  _ Breathe, because you know it’s for the best. _

“Yeah,” Naruto says through the lump in his throat, the tears won’t stop and it’s disgusting to hear wet sniffling. He thinks of the weeks that have passed; in the grand scheme of things, change seemed instant, but the road is long and winding and he will only ever continue to try to heal and better himself, make up for lost years. And for the longest time, he thought he never would be able to, that it wouldn’t be worth it. But…

It is. It so fucking is. Even if it means losing Sasuke.

“I’m still here...” Naruto says in a shaky breath, taking a long blink. “... because I want to keep existing.”

Sasuke’s hand falls from his face, slides to his shoulder, then down his arm. It keeps going, only to land over his hand, giving it a squeeze. One sob slips past his lips, and Naruto moves away from Sasuke’s touch only to swing his legs over the railing, onto the safety of the clearing. He doesn’t realize how much he’s shaking, can only think _ this is it, this is really it _ . But Sasuke only follows after, standing before him, and they’re reaching for each other. Naruto’s hands are on Sasuke’s shoulders, Sasuke’s on his face. The boy--  _ goddamn him, he’s so beautiful _ \--smiles, and it’s the biggest that Naruto has even seen, and he has no idea whether it’s a trick of the moon or what but there’s something glimmering in those onyx eyes.

“Usuratonkachi…” Sasuke says, goes from his cool, comforting blue to gold. He’s bringing himself in, and Naruto feels a rush of warmth come through when their lips touch. It flows through his veins, sits in his system, makes him feel weak and gooey and his hands grip onto Sasuke as tight as they can. And Naruto is damn well sure Sasuke doesn’t need to breathe at all, but when they pull away the boy has his mouth parted, as if he’s breathless.

“Me too.” Sasuke says, and Naruto’s heart sings. “I’m still here… because I, too, want to keep existing. With you, this time.”

 

-

 

When Naruto goes to sleep that night, surrounded by everyone who's made more of an impact in his life than he in theirs, it’s with a wish. For anyone, really-- for Santa, for Christmas, for the gods, for the universe.  _ Please, _ he wishes.  _ Please let Sasuke keep existing. _

No sun pours in, but the room becomes lighter, breaking through the clouds above. Out of the sheer habit of waking up too goddamn early, Naruto’s eyes slowly crack open, bleary and set on the gentle snowfall just outside his window. Something immediate, he registers, is the lack of warmth at his side, his hand darting out and patting around.

There’s no warmth anywhere. He’s not here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO... as you can see, i retconned the ending. the stuff w/ karin actually wasn't in my notes, i just wanted to make things longer and more interesting, but after constant pondering and rewriting i realized how unhappy i was introducing a plot that wasn't meant to be in the first place. so we're getting the true story, which means... this fic will end soon :') there's going to be at least one more chapter but yeah. ill save my final words for that. in the mean time feel free to Theorize fellow gamers and i'll see you next time


	12. twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> opening new doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the shortest chapter in this series and it's the end.

_ The grass is bright and green, soft as the blades cave under his feet. The birds over his head chirp merrily, the sky blue and seemingly endless. The sun is warm on his skin as he hikes up the hill, and he doesn’t have to wonder where he is— from the weirdly bent tree to the left to the three missing tiles on the roof of the building, he knows. _

_ He’s  _ **_home._ **

_ Sasuke breathes, the action far too foreign even though he had only stopped doing so for a year. It doesn’t feel real, but nothing does, as his eyes land on the sight of his family standing idly in front of the house’s entrance; his mother patting his father’s arm to calm his impatience, and Itachi chuckling at the two of them. It’s disgustingly domestic, but only makes him feel weaker in the knees. _

_ Mikoto’s eyes find his— oh, he missed them so much—, and she gives him a bright smile. _

_ “Sasuke,” She says, and he can feel his face break. He doesn’t even notice himself running towards them, only registers when his body hits against Itachi’s, his arms wrangling his parents into the hug, the tight squeeze they give him and they’re  _ **_real,_ ** _ he’s not phasing, they’re real, _

_ “Kaasan, Tousan, Niisan,” Sasuke says through a crack in his voice, there’s regret but no real pain, no heart to hurt but still a mind to feel. “I’m so sorry, I could’ve been a better child, a better brother, I could’ve saved you all if I just—“ _

_ “You wouldn’t have known, Sasuke.” Fugaku says, with the softest voice he’s ever heard. It only makes it harder to stop his crying, but no one is punishing him for it. “We’re sorry we couldn’t have done more for you. Perhaps, if we had… you won’t be here so early.” _

_ “We’ve been watching you since, Sasuke. And you’ve done so well.” Mikoto chimes in, and Sasuke nearly chokes on a sob as his mother begins to pull away, following with his brother and his father, and all Sasuke can think is  _ **_no, come back, I want to hold you all more._ ** _ “You’re here now. We’re together now. You can come home.” _

_ “We’ve missed you so much, otouto.” Itachi says with a smile, ruffling his hair, only to laugh when Sasuke moves his head from under his palm with a sniffle. Itachi reaches to take one of his hands, his mother the other, and his father his mother’s. They all— as one, as a family— begin to walk forward. “Come, we have much to talk about.” _

_ It’s… overwhelming. Scary, because how could he forget he could feel so much. Joyous, because this is his family, he’s reunited with them. Irritating, because Itachi’s hand is sweaty and he doesn’t like that. But most of all… _

_ ( Blonde hair, bright eyes, and a goofy smile nothing short of perfect. ) _

_ Sasuke brings himself to a stop, grip loosening in his family’s hold, and they turn back to him with quizzical expressions. He has to look down at the ground to hide away from their soft eyes as they stop walking. “This isn’t what I wished for.” _

_ Everyone remains silent, a sign to go on and explain, and Sasuke bites his lip. He doesn’t want to see them, but it’s what they deserve. With a breath, he lifts his head up. _

_ “I don’t want you to think that I didn’t miss you,” Sasuke says, and they continue to stay silent. “I did, even if I couldn’t feel the pain of missing my family. And I love you all so much, and please understand that I am so happy that you guys are here a-and safe and that I am so grateful to have met you all again—” _

_ “But you don’t want to leave just yet.” Fugaku says for him, and Sasuke can feel his eyes water. _

_ “I made a mistake.” Sasuke says quietly, feeling his mother’s warm hand on his cheek, wiping away a tear. “But I— I met someone. Who was like me. He wanted to die, but with time he’s made progress, has seen more value in life with the help of his friends. And I think I made progress with him, too. I…” _

_ “I want to try again. Even if it takes a miracle, I want to try again.” Sasuke says, and Itachi smiles kindly at him. “I’m not ready to move on. I want to exist, even if it means being a ghost. I want to exist.” _

_ Mikoto slowly makes her way in front of Sasuke, Itachi and Fugaku stepping back, her hands holding both of his. He’s going to miss her, so fucking much. With a smile, she puts her forehead on his, just like how she would always do whenever he’d cry. _

_ “Then exist.” She says simply. “Don’t worry, we’ll see each other again someday. But for now, this is goodbye, Sasuke.” _

_ As the world fades around him, the grass dissipating to nothing, he should’ve known he would start crying then. _

 

-

 

It’s cold. Freezing, actually, because that’s an understatement. Over and over, something lands on his skin, adding to the chill as he opens his eyes, breathing in only frost. The sky above him is grey, the trees have no leaves. Though the throbbing headache, he gasps, sitting up quickly and patting his hands all over himself.

It’s cold.  _ He’s _ cold. Plants have sprouted around him, so he reaches to touch them, feels at the thin stems. Feels at the snow, the wet grass underneath it, gets his hands dirty. His feet feel like literal blocks of ice and his muscles are stiff as he scrambles to stand, but he feels at the bark of the trees, his shoes making a squelchy sound. The only thing keeping him warm is the heat of emotion inside of him, eyes watering as he looks up at the cliff.

He had died here. But that dreadful summer is now in past, along with his life and family, now purified by snow.

Sasuke’s knees hit the ground, his heart suddenly feeling too heavy, but he can feel the snow soaking through his pants, and it makes the tears fall. Breathing is hard, but the fact he’s breathing at all only makes him choke up more.

_ I’m alive, _ he thinks, and he coughs when he takes in a sharp breath. He can see his fingers are an angry red, stinging, and he brings them to his mouth to blow on them.  _ I’m alive, and I’m going to die again if I don’t get somewhere warm soon. _

So Sasuke rises to his feet again— ** _you’re not dressed for this weather,_** _Naruto said_ —, rubbing at his arms as he eyes the area around him, instinctively walking in the familiar direction of the city. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do afterwards, but he knows where he’s going first.

He just hopes the dobe is home.

 

-

 

His heart, new yet familiar, is beating hard in his chest. He doesn’t know whether he’s shivering in anticipation or from the cold. He gives one last blow into his hands— for good luck, like he’s rolling the dice of fate—, and knocks on the door. He hadn’t had a chance to check the time, and the last time he saw the dobe was at the clearing.

_Open up,_ he thinks—says to _him,_ but realizes for the second time today that he’s Not Dead.

Trying his best not to give and lean in to press his ear on the door, Sasuke chews on his lip— he can feel that, too—, it’s dry and chapped. He can hear Naruto’s heavy steps come near, the locks clicking up and oh no, Sasuke probably looks like total shit, but there’s no time to think as the door opens.

“Whatever it is, I’m not in the m—….” Naruto starts, and Sasuke instantly forgets about himself, takes in the blonde instead. He’s in a big Christmas sweater, but his eyes are red and irritated, swollen. Blue irises are full of impact as they fixate on him, and it’s freaky to see how his pupils blow up.

Naruto isn’t saying anything, and Sasuke can’t find the words to fill the void, can only stare at this boy he’s been with for mere weeks but managed to get familiar with him. He almost thinks he’s just dead again, that this is just another part of a world that would allow him to do whatever he wants. But the boy before him starts to breathe a little funny, face twitching before grabbing Sasuke by the shirt.

“Naruto—“

_ “Sasuke?” _ Naruto asks, so broken and watery and Sasuke has the urge to just throw his arms around him and hold onto him, his heart too much. Sasuke can only manage a slow nod with a sniffle, and immediately gets pulled in by the shirt.

Hours. It takes a matter of hours for the two of them to finally calm, and Sasuke feels like an utter mess even though he had just taken a scalding shower to get rid of the frostnip. He’s been shoved into the very same jumper Naruto had been wearing, is wearing Naruto’s thickest pants, ‘fluffiest’ socks, is under Naruto’s blanket and everything is just Naruto Naruto Naruto down to the arms wrapped around him tightly, not letting him move or breathe in actual air.

Naruto sniffles, and Sasuke can’t help but tighten his arms around him. The blonde notices this, returns the gesture, and he tries not to feel Naruto all over again because he can, he’s a normal, living, breathing person, who has no idea how the other is feeling right now but can feel his own emotions tenfold, and it’s absolutely overwhelming but he can’t get enough.

It’s clear that Naruto isn’t ready to speak. He wishes he could just dig into his mind like he used to. But it’s okay, because Sasuke’s not so ready either, and they lie in absolute silence. He doesn’t know what they’re going to do. He doesn’t know what the next step is. He doesn’t want to sleep— has been sleeping for far too long—, but his eyelids are heavy as he takes in Naruto and his space and his absolute everything.

He’ll have to come up with something later. But for now, he’ll let himself do what he used to loathe: breathe. Just breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was hard to write this chapter for a lot of reasons. bc it's the end, bc im Bad with endings, bc of writer's block. but i remembered the golden rule i set for myself was to not push, so this chapter came out a lot shorter than the rest. but if it feels like there should be more, well, that's kind of the point; i wanted things to be more open ended i guess.
> 
> i might revisit this story in the future, maybe make it better and change things, but for now, i'll put it to rest.
> 
> i just wanna say: thank you for reading this story and sticking with it. it's not very good, as i am only a budding writer and english is hard, but i'm proud to call it my first for this amazing series. without you all, i wouldn't have done as much as i have!
> 
> i hope you all stay and experience more of my work, as i will only keep improving. you can find me @ blanksuke on tumblr!
> 
> again, thank you so much, and have a wonderful day.

**Author's Note:**

> first fic for this fandom! things only get weirder from here. feel free to leave feedback!


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